Am I being silly fixating on her former hook-ups?

Am I being silly fixating on her former hook-ups?


I am 45 and I’ve met a woman on a dating site. However, I’ve found out that a month before she met me, she picked up two different men, on two different and separate nights, who were both 20 years younger than her. I am finding hard that the person I love would have done this. Am being silly here? Julian

People do all kinds of stuff when they’re single. The fact that she came clean on these hook-ups – and frankly, she was under no obligation to – is commendable because it’s none of ANYONE’s business what or who we do when we’re single. These are choices we make unencumbered, but sadly, your question is all too common (just read these Q&As I’ve answered on the topic here, here and here).

Of course, there are times that you’d be crazy NOT to scrutinise someone’s past. Such as in the case of a 40-year-old whose longest relationship is two months. Or a chronic cheater whose indiscretions led to the end of two marriages. Or falling for someone who did time for murdering and burying their spouse under the patio. In all of these cases, you’re within your rights to think, hmmm, do I really want to go there knowing this person’s history? (Re spouse-murderer: I would hope not.)

To put it in perspective, your girlfriend bonked a couple of toyboys when she was single. I would put that in the ‘no biggie’ folder and get on with building a relationship with the woman you say you love.

Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

1 Comment

  1. Lola 7 years ago

    Julian, you know what you have to worry about: STIs. Other than that, it’s her life. RC is right: we all do ALL kinds of things when we’re single. I wish both you and your lady happiness and good luck.

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