My boyfriend and I have a two year long distance relationship. For the entire month of October he would only call me once, twice or three times a week because he had to do this important project in order to graduate. So this month he finished with school and I told him I would expect him to call me every day to make up for all those other days he did not call. So it started fine but then he missed one day and then the next day he was not going to call either but because I sent him an angry text message he called around 10pm. When he called I was mad and he just kept asking me what was wrong but I did not want to tell him because when I get mad I hate talking about my problem. I broke down crying but he did not notice. I got mad that he is going to a resort for three days for his friend’s birthday instead of staying home and calling me. It makes me feel like he rather be with his friends rather than me. I don’t know what to do. I feel completely confused. I don’t know if I am making a big deal over nothing. Please help. Confused Girl
Here’s the truth my little Confused One: You need to back off about the calling thing. Seriously. Can you imagine how you would feel if your boyfriend suddenly started demanding you call him every single day, then cried and carried on like a big girls blouse if you forgot a couple of times? I’m guessing it would be a right pain in the neck and pretty soon you’d get tired of it. You do need to keep in regular contact to keep the fires burning on a long distance love, and you’re obviously crazy about this guy, but placing such strict rules and regulations on calls, is going to drive him round the twist. Especially if he’s been super busy with a big school project.
Guys often get really focused on work, and find it hard to multi-task. That’s when you’ve got to back off a little and let them get it done. The thing is, they haven’t forgotten you. They’re just focused on something else that’s pretty important too. Support him, and let him know it’s okay that he’s snowed under. You’ve got stuff to do as well. I’m not surprised he’d rather go to a resort with his mates than hang around at home by the phone. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you and want to be with you. It just shows he has a life, and he has friends. These are good things. They make him more interesting, well-rounded and sane.
And look, we totally get why you fired off an angry text, and why you get upset when he forgets to call from time to time, but try not to use emotion to manipulate him into calling you. Pissed off text messages, crying and not saying why you’re upset – so not cool. Boys really resent emotional blackmail and game playing, and it sounds like you’re doing a little of both. Lighten up, let things go a bit more and chances are things between you guys will improve too.
Love, reality chick