I am a 20 year old guy who is in a bit over his head. I’ve been dating this girl for over 4 years now and recently proposed to her. I love her to death, but I can’t help feeling distant. I think I may be in this relationship for her not myself. I think I like her more as a friend, but she is clearly in love with me and wants to get married in August. I can see myself being happy with her and starting a family and growing old and all that. However, at the same time, if I am bored now am I crazy to go ahead? What should I do? I really do love her and can’t imagine life without her or breaking her heart, but I feel like something is missing, like it isn’t enough. Scott
A bit of doubt is probably normal when you’re super young and about to shackle yourself to your girlfriend for life. But you’ve got more than just cold feet to deal with. You’ve got boredom, the death knell of feeling she’s more of a friend than a lover and (!!!) the admission that you’re hanging in there for her, rather than yourself. If there’s any part of you hoping that marriage would improve things or bring back some of the spark you had in the beginning, please stop – like any long-term relationship, holy matrimony is tough and there are untold challenges. One of the biggest is putting in the hard yards to stay passionate about your partner five, ten, twenty or more years in.
You sure as hell want to go in with that passion, though. You need at least that. Which is why I think you should probably call it off. I don’t say that lightly. You’re almost certainly going to break her heart and that will really suck for both of you. After four years and a recent proposal she’s probably under the impression everything is AOK on your end, when it’s really, really not. And she’s better off knowing NOW that it’s not, than after you’ve recited your vows and smiled for the cameras, if you know what I mean.
Love, reality chick