Can I be ‘just friends’ with my ex?

Can I be ‘just friends’ with my ex?

can i be just friends with my exMy boyfriend and I had a discussion about having children and he was adamant he didn’t want any. So we broke up again … and we have been apart for 18 months now and I have been struggling with my emotions ever since as he’s been in my life for many years as a friend (first) and a partner.

I think I still love him but I am just starting to feel strong and independent again. Then I got an email from him last night saying that he misses talking to me and indicating that he would like to reconnect and resume a friendship. I know I would be putting myself at risk of being hurt again as I’m not sure I can be friends with him without feeling more than that (I haven’t replied yet). But, I’m also thinking that I’m now reaching an age where I will probably not have kids anyway (I’m turning 39, and not sure I want them now). So, this leaves me thinking … maybe it could work for us as we get older? I think I already know what’s right – but I’m interested to hear yours and others opinions on this. Can we ‘just be friends’ now? Friendly Ex

First up – no. In my opinion you can’t be ‘just friends’ with this guy. There’s a strong attraction, neither one of you has re-partnered and there’s a lot of pining going down. It all adds up to a recipe for accidental ex sex if you do meet up. If you can’t stay away and decide to email him back, knock your socks off, but be aware that you’ll probably find yourself right back where you were 18 months ago. And possibly facing the same stuff, questions and doubts.

But – on the other hand, if you want to give yourself a shot at a new connection and even motherhood, then DON’T DO IT. You’re not too old to have a baby. And you’re not too old to find someone who wants to have one with you. I know brilliant couples who’ve met and had kids in their late 30s. Also – that strong and independent vibe you’re rocking right now is SO HARD to get back to and it can be whisked away in an instant. You might find a settled happier place with your ex as you reach your 40s, but you could also risk another heartbreak and, let’s be honest you might be left with a feeling of having settled for someone who doesn’t want the same things as you, just because you’re getting older. You already know what’s right – so go with your gut and delete his message. Keep moving on and being awesome. You are at your most attractive and powerful right now.

Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

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