Can you revive a holiday fling? I can’t stop thinking about her.

Can you revive a holiday fling? I can’t stop thinking about her.

So, I met a girl on a work trip to Adelaide and we clicked. We were together every day and basically when I wasn’t at work I was with her until I left to come home. We chatted a lot at first after I got home, then it tapered off and it’s now a whole week since I’ve heard from her and 2 months since I last saw her. Now I’m lost.

She has mentioned she’s dating and may be seeing someone else. Secondly, I offered to give her space, she said yes then came back hours later saying no, because she missed me too much. Then, 3 days later was the last time I heard from her. In that time she would’ve opened the slightly extravagent and soppy Xmas present I got her. A week of space started. I still sent an Xmas SMS.

The time we shared is now the benchmark for any future girl I meet but even saying that hurts. I don’t want another girl… I want her. Neither of us can move – just yet – my best offer that I never got to put forward was one of us fly to the other one weekend a month for six months and then we talk about where we are going.

I don’t know what will happen with this new guy but can’t help thinking the future holds something for us. Should I stay friends but keep reminding her I like her? Or do you think she knows how I feel and I should keep my distance until she needs / wants me? Paul

This one’s an easy call for me, Paul, but not for you, and for that I’m sorry. You’re languishing at the heartsick end of the spectrum while she’s on the hedging-her-bets end, and of course you want her to move in your direction. I wish I could say she will, but right now, she’s either a) keeping you arm’s length while she figures out what she wants or b) is no longer into it and trying to give you a soft landing.

Ironically, hearing that someone you have the serious hots for is maybe seeing someone else is possibly the cruellest soft landing ever, but we bumble on the best we can in love.

For what it’s worth, it sounds like she felt the same at the time. I don’t think for one minute you imagined the heat, intensity and shared compatibility. But what I’m guessing isn’t there – for her at least – is the right timing, which is the essential ingredient in getting love off the ground. Timing is such a motherfucker. So often, it snuffs out the hopeful glimmer of new relationships that you just KNOW could be great. I see it over and over and over. Worst, it can’t be pushed or manufactured. It just has to be there, organically, or you’re toast.

I think you should leave her be. You’ve made your feelings clear and unless she calls and wants to discuss how you guys might make it work, you’ve got nothing to gain from torturing yourself with what-ifs and maybes. Keep that kernal of hope if you must, but don’t stake your life on it. Like all of us who’ve been in your situation, feeling that you’ll only ever want that person is normal and awful, but thankfully never ever lasts forever.

Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


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