Is it normal to cry so much during a long distance relationship? My boyfriend makes me really happy but I find myself crying every other day. Sometimes over the phone and sometimes alone. It usually happens when he does not call or when he calls and tells me he has to go, so during the goodbyes.
It also happens when he tells me he misses me or when I tell him that and when we talk about our future together. I don’t know why. I know I’m emotional but I never knew I was SO emotional. There are times when I just cry when I think of him. He tries to make me feel better but he gets frustrated and sad when he can’t do anything about it on the phone. So I just want to know is this normal or just too much? Cry Baby
Is this long distance thing is a new arrangement for you guys? If that’s the case – sure. You’re getting your head around not having him around, which is a big adjustment. But if your relationship has always been a long-distance one, and you’ve never found it anything but angst-inducing, you’re not alone. So many people aren’t cut out for long distance relationships because they’re bloody hard. Whether or not you’re 100 percent secure in yourself, your partner and the relationship, the distance can totally mess with your head.
That said, I reckon you owe it to yourself and your boyfriend to try and take a different perspective. He makes you happy. You’re planning a future together. It’s all good. It sounds like the long distance situation isn’t going to be one you’ll have to put up with forever – and in the interim, getting to a better place emotionally with it all could be just about learning to shift your focus. It’s all too easy to obsess or get upset when he hasn’t called – but just shrug it off and call a friend. Go get a coffee. Hit the gym. Watch a funny movie. Don’t allow yourself to spiral or give power to a situation you can’t control (meditation helps me counter that negative self-talk, so that might be something to try too.)
And, because you probably have such little face-to-face time together, try to view your phone or Skype conversations as your quality time together. Share funny things that have happened to you, and make a pact – over email, maybe – not to talk about anything heavy when you do chat. Letting your phone calls descend into weepy downers every time you talk will just leave you BOTH feeling frustrated, because hey, you can’t reach into the phone and get the hug you need, right?
If you try all that and it’s not getting any better, I’d hit up your GP for a full assessment, because – and I’m totally speculating here – you may have some low-level anxiety or be suffering from mild depression, and getting some treatment, if you need it, could make all the difference. Good luck and let us know how it all goes.
Love, reality chick