Dear RC, I’m 25, have been with my partner for six years and we’re getting married soon. When he proposed I was stressed. I thought it was normal in the moment and everything and said yes. Since then I haven’t been into the wedding planning much. I’m more interested in my friends’ lives – they are mostly all single and a bunch are going overseas together.
My fiance’s plan is for us to get settled, buy a place and get our careers in order before we travel. The more I think about the ‘plan’ the sicker I feel. Shouldn’t I be more hyped than this? Is it just cold feet? Anon
It could be. But it’s more likely to be an undiagnosed case of I-Am-25-And-So-Not-Ready-To-Get-Hitcheditis. Some people embrace marriage and kids and responsibilities at a young age and love it – other want to spread their wings, see the world and generally misbehave until their visa runs out and they’re kicked out of whichever country they happen to be in at the time. (By the way, London is not the best place to overstay your visa. I’m just sayin’.) The upshot is, we’re all different and it’s up to us to listen to our gut and make the choices that best feed our soul. Which sounds easy, but in the face of social, familial and relationship expectations, it’s often not.
You need to ask yourself some heavy questions. Are you still in love with your fiance? If yes, would he agree to postpone the wedding and travel with you – or let you go with your mates for a time? Or, is a clean break best? Be honest with yourself and discuss your feelings with your guy. If he doesn’t want to lose you, the ‘plan’ may not be so set in stone, and maybe you can have both. My hunch? Your next move will be down an aisle, but possibly one strewn with hand luggage rather than rose petals.
Love, reality chick