I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and we’re both 20. There’s no problem with our relationship other than this one thing: sex. He has never been that crazy for it, but we used to have sex every time we saw each other. Now we do it once a week. We’re young so I think it’s pretty normal to want to have sex with your partner every time you see them or at least more than once a week. The other thing is, we both do smoke weed and I thought this may be a contributor to why he is tired and just falls asleep all the time.
I brought it up a couple months ago and we decided to just smoke weed twice a week, thinking this would help. I agreed but it hasn’t changed at all! I don’t know what to do now. I feel like if I bring it up again it may put him off having sex at all as there would be added pressure when it comes to the next time we do. I’m not an unfaithful person, and I would end it before I ended up cheating – but I just don’t get it. I thought men loved sex?! Any decent advice would really help. Emily
Reality Chick says… If your guy never had a super-strong libido to begin with, you’re basically screwed (or not, if you know what I mean) if he won’t cut down on the weed. But you’ve tried that and now you’re tiptoeing around him for fear you might put pressure on him. No, no, no. My advice is take the pressure off completely. Dump him and go out and find a non-stoner who’ll give you a damn good seeing to on a regular basis. You’ll be happier, and your boyfriend can continue his love affair with his bong. Win-win.
Manswers Man Mr E says… Not being a fan of your boyfriend’s favoured vice, Emily, it’s hard for me to give any advice on how this may affect his sex drive. However, may I offer some food for thought: the heart wants what the heart wants, and if he prioritises weed more than a roll in the hay then there is a serious discussion to be had. Cutting down his smoking may not be enough to clean an already foggy mind, you may need to get him to give it up if you want him to get it up. Good luck.
Manswers Man BB says… Men do love sex Emily, but apparently your bloke is the exception to the rule. You think it’s the weed but you also state he’s never been that crazy for it, and it sounds as though talking is not the answer. It’s entirely possible that he’s just not that into it, but I reckon this is at odds with most 20-year old blokes. Men are usually fairly easy to please, so why not surprise him when he’s least expecting it with sexual encounters that are totally off your usual menu. If he doesn’t respond to this, you need to either accept the weed and the fact that sex won’t be a major part of your relationship, or move on.
Manswers Man Mr P says… If he’s mixing cigarettes into his weed that can cause issues too (as nicotine can lower libido). Usually a bit weed and your girl by your side makes you horny! The other question to ask, Emily, is whether he’s flapping the sausage at other times – ie, watching porn? If that’s the case, he may not need or want to have sex. And, check to see whether he’s waking up with a hard-on. If he isn’t, I’d march him off to the doctor for a check-up.