Could sex toys save you from long-term relationship boredom?

Could sex toys save you from long-term relationship boredom?

Studies show women who use vibrators have higher sex drives, more orgasms, and better sex lives with their partners. That’s debatable, but when and how to introduce a power tool into the bedroom can still be a delicate topic between lovers.  Adventurous couples may have no problems whipping out their box of toys in the first few weeks, but others worry – understandably – about the right time to suggest getting their ‘buzz’ on. Will their partner get hurt or offended at the notion of introducing a bedroom buddy that includes batteries? Opinions are mixed among some of our intrepid RC readers.
“I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and he’s fairly straight when it comes to sex,” admits Fiona*. “It’s really great for the most part, but lately I’ve been wondering if it might be even better with the addition of a tasteful vibrator. When I was single I had a stash of great sex toys which I wasn’t shy to use with my partners, but now that I’m head over heels in love, I’m not sure how to approach the topic. I’m worried he’ll feel completely emasculated if I say I’d like to use a vibrator. It’s not that I’m unhappy with our sex life, but I’m looking for a way to turn both of us on and make sure we don’t get bored.”
Tegan* says she’s happy to use a vibrator with her husband of 5 years, but they are careful to make it an occasional ‘treat’ rather than a regular event. “When we’d been together for a year or so, my partner actually asked me if I had a vibrator, and suggested we use it. I was more than happy to give it a go, and it worked out pretty great for both of us. I think he loves seeing me turned on, and it’s a little less work for him, too. If our sex life get’s a bit dull, I suggest using it with a cheeky grin, and he’s usually up for it.”
Likewise, Jack* remembers being thrilled when his girlfriend of six months admitted to having a stash of toys under the bed. “Although sometimes I want sex to be just about skin on skin contact, I was stoked when she pulled out her tool box. It meant she was up for experimentation and in control of her sexual needs. Although, I’ll be perfectly honest and say that I hope she’s not using it too much on the side and that if push came to shove, she’d prefer me over her ‘Jack Rabbit’ any day.”
If you haven’t yet ventured into vibrator territory with a new lover, there’s the question of who buys it and what sort of toy you’d both like (the 12 inch black dildo might be a bit off-putting for some, just sayin’). “For your first ‘couples’ vibrator, I reckon go for something low key and compact, maybe even oval shaped,” suggests Katrina*. “If he doesn’t know you’ve brought it, make sure he gets a heads up before you’re in the middle of things. It’s far better to gauge his reaction before you get naked. I once whipped a large vibrator out during foreplay as a ‘surprise’ and it was a complete passion killer!”

Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. Neil Duckett 8 years ago

    It’s all about chosing the right vibrator, and a 12″ black dildo probably doesn’t fit in that category!

  2. kitty 9 years ago

    I just have to say – how cute is that duck photo!??? And also – yes – after a year or two, most relationships could do with a power surge!

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