Do I choose current boyfriend, former crush or go be a single gal in a distant city?

Do I choose current boyfriend, former crush or go be a single gal in a distant city?

boyfriend old flame or go be single post

Some issues are bugging me, RC. An old friend has recently come back into my life and is asking mutual friends about me. There was always a spark between us and my whimsical heart is hopeful… as timing and distance never got us beyond platonic, which I regret.

The other issue is that I have a boyfriend I live with and love, but I was unfaithful to him, when we were first dating. He always takes me back. We’ve worked through a lot of issues in the past 18 months but I don’t think I’m good for him, especially if I’m constantly entertaining the idea of being with another man. I feel like this could turn toxic and the problem is really me and not him. To be honest, part of me just wants to run away and hide and be single again. Be a bachelorette in a distant city and take time to be by myself.

What do you think? Am I just afraid of being alone? Do you think I’m using my old pal as a scapegoat to get out my current relationship? I really need an outside perspective. Dove

You know how sometimes, you see a slow-moving disaster about to happen in someone’s life when they can’t? Because they’re too close to it? That’s how I felt reading your letter. I hear boyfriend, I hear infidelity, I hear old-friend and spark, I hear not good for him, I hear toxic and I hear issues. A LOT of issues.

Then I get to the bit where you start by saying, ‘To be honest…’. And it all crystallises into one thing for me: You’re living a life that doesn’t make your heart sing. Because you and your heart are somewhere else. You may think your old pal is the path out of your current relationship, but is he, really? My guess is no. My gut feel is that you’re craving single chickdom and a life in which you date who you want, travel where you want, find out what you really want, and answer to one person: yourself.

My perspective, for what it’s worth, is this: pack light. Follow your heart. Find that distant city. You’ll never, ever regret it.

Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

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