Do I need to ditch my childish hobbies if I want a mature relationship?

Do I need to ditch my childish hobbies if I want a mature relationship?

I just got out of a 4 year relationship which, in the last few months, got really toxic. So, now I’m on my own and I’m really scared of trying to find someone new. This could be because I’m a bit of a big kid at heart. I like comic books and enjoy silly things like cartoons, but these things don’t prevent me from doing the serious ‘adult’ things, like budgeting or making sure bills are paid. I have a history of depression, but I’m a lot better now and these silly things really help me cope and remain happy. My ex tolerated it all as she liked the stuff too, but quickly changed into a career-driven serious person. Am I asking too much for a woman to accept that I have these things in my life? Should I just ditch them all? Mr DOP

Ahhh, a question many cohabiting couples can probably relate to, I’m guessing. Especially when a person’s collection of action men figurines threatens to take over the living room. But where do we draw the line on ‘childish’? Adults who prefer reading YA books like Harry Potter and The Hunger Games? People who’d prefer to spend their downtime on the Playstation rather than at the pub? We all have stuff that feeds our soul and no, I don’t think you should have to ditch your love of cartoons and comic books just because someone thinks you need to grow up a little or because your hobbies don’t align with their vision of the perfect partner. Especially if those things keep you sane and happy.

Hobbies in general, I reckon, become a problem when they repeatedly take priority over a partner. Whether that means watching back-to-back episodes of Road Runner or spending the entire weekend on the golf course. Bottom line? It’s all about balance, my friend. Don’t try and mold yourself into the type of guy you *think* women want. As long as you’re prepared to strike a balance and make time for the one you love, the right person should want you and love you unconditionally, hobbies and all.

Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

3 Comments

  1. Mr DOP 2 years ago

    Thank you so much for answering my question! In the time since I asked for advice I’ve done a lot of reflecting on both my past relationship and who I am today.

    I’ve cut out a small chunk of what I used to enjoy purely because it was becoming a bit of a money pit and since splitting I’ve re-evaluated my life. I know what I want both from a relationship and career wise and there’s just no space for collecting action figures, but that’s what works for me and other people could find a balance.

    Your advice has helped me realise that I need to stick to some less intrusive hobbies, like comics, that wont scare away every potential new relationship. I don’t see this as a bad thing as collecting action figures started off as harmless (specific collecting) but became a bit of a money pit.

    Once again thank you so much for taking the time to post my question!

  2. FF Jensen 2 years ago

    Hi Mr DOP, I agree with RC overall, but would like to add my little two cents from some psychological research I had to do on personality disorders. Hobbies of any sort tend to become intrusive when they’re a clear manifestation of an obsessive personality. You seem quite self-aware. Keep yourself that way! Cheers, FFJ

    • Mr DOP 2 years ago

      Thank you!

      I understand a balance is required and I openly admit my love of Transformers became a bit hard to handle. I know why I collected action figures as when I was a child there was no money for them and now I’m making up for it.

      I toyed with still collecting transformers but any Transformer fan can tell you it’s an expensive hobby. I’m better off I suppose!

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