Does he want me back?

Does he want me back?

Got dumped one and a half weeks ago and he’s been in contact since then via texting and talking. Today he apologised for how cruel he was that nite and he didn’t mean to make me cry. He hates himself, he wants to see me and he misses me (never expressed before). I’m better for the apology but I’m not in a hurry to get back with him. I’m not sure if he’s just wanting to relieve his guilt or wants me back. What am I missing? Sher

The first few weeks after a split is the hardest time, because let’s face it: it’s rare that a break-up doesn’t involve hurt or pain or bad feeling. How many break-ups do you hear about where both parties hug each other and say, ‘Thanks for the good times, no hard feelings eh?’ Uh, that would be never.
Right now, you guys are on a steep learning curve. The Learning To Live Without Each Other learning curve, that is. Like giving up cigarettes or chocolate, you’ve got withdrawal symptoms, in a sense, and are still craving each other’s presence, even if one or both of you wants out of the relationship overall. If he called it off but is texting/talking to you, telling you that he misses you, but NOT telling you he made the biggest mistake of his life and wants back in, I would put it down to a case of remorse and wanting to check in to make sure you’re alright. After all, it’s a hard-hearted person who can dump someone then not feel even the teeniest bit bad about the pain they put their former partner through.
If you’re not in a hurry to get back with him, that’s a good place to be in (relatively speaking). Hold onto that feeling and tell him while you  miss him too, you’d rather he didn’t contact you for a while, like a month. Having no contact is really the number one way to create a life without him and move on.
Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

3 Comments

  1. Author
    realitychick 10 years ago

    Hey Sher, I know it’s a sucky time. Hang in there and start to disconnect from him if you can. Good on you for telling him no break-up sex. It totally messes with your head.

  2. sher 10 years ago

    Thanks for advice RC and CdnGuy. Im not strong enough yet to resist his attempts. Im suppose to be impressed that he only wants to have sex with me and no one else or he told his friends to not ignore me (wait can you see me jumping for joy). Im not slipping into the break up sex pardon the pun Ive told him its too emotionally painful. We have had the exchange of stuff. I didnt do the dumping guess hes just seeing how far he can use me. You kick yourself when you know the right thing to do but ya keep hoping the unattainable comes back.

  3. CdnGuy 10 years ago

    sage advice RC, sher it really is hard, even from his perspective, to end a relationship and he is either feeling guilty or ;onely, neithe of which is an indicator that he wants to reconcile. Take RC’s advice, if he’s not offering to reconcile don’t fall into the cycle of hope and regret.
    CG

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