Do I get back with the ex that everyone hates?

Do I get back with the ex that everyone hates?

The other day, I talked to my ex for the first time since May. And now, I think I may still have feelings for him. I’m still not really sure why he broke up with me, and he didn’t treat me that poorly. If we were to get back together, a large majority of my friends would stop talking to me, and my mom will absolutely put me on house arrest. But I think I still like him. What on earth do I do? Laura

Being dumped without a proper reason is a crappy thing to go through – and can leave you in a weird holding pattern that’s so much harder to move on from. I’m not that surprised that you talked to your ex and found yourself catapulted back to square one. It’s a classic mistake because – even after five months – you can think you’re over it, when you’ve just let enough time lapse for the break-up wounds heal slightly and for the bad memories to mellow, leaving you thinking well he wasn’t so bad after all / maybe he’s the one for you yada yada.
And maybe he is. I can’t say, because you’ve not given me a lot to go on. I know some couples who’ve been through the rockiest situations, reconciled and made it work the second time around. But what worries me about your situation is how you think your nearest and dearest would react if you did reconcile. Threatening not to speak to you again – or worse, locking you in the house if you did get back together – are pretty vehement reactions. Why DO they feel so strongly about you reconciling? Do they feel he was bad for you? Changed you? Stifled you? Manipulated or hurt you? Is he generally a bad person?  Do they notice positive changes in you now you’re out of the relationship? It’s worth taking all of that on board if you’re seriously thinking about getting back with this guy, as often we see only what we want to see when we’re blinded by lurve.
Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

3 Comments

  1. Terez 9 years ago

    Laura, if those closet to you have great reservations about the prospect of you reconciling with your ex, have a sit down with them to find out why.

    As everyone else has pointed out, we lack many details concerning your situation, but if your loved ones all feel the same way about your ex – that is a huge red flag you need to heed. Proceed with caution.

    Take care.

  2. Lola 9 years ago

    Mmmm, RC is right 1000%!
    Lack of info doesn’t allow me to say much either, but we all need to learn strategies to challenge ourselves. It seems like an unwritten rule that one shouldn’t go back to an ex, but even that rule needs to be challenged. If I hadn’t done it, I wouldn’t be in my current situation of personal happiness.
    Laura, have you thought of getting some counselling? Perhaps it’s Shrink Time now.
    All the best, Laura, and put yourself first and foremost.

  3. Kitty 9 years ago

    totes awesome advice RC. Tough one, Laura….the lure of getting back with the ex. Gawd haven’t we all been THERE. Don’t do it sister.

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