QUICKIES: Flighty boyfriends | Indecisive daters | Date nights | Rebounding

QUICKIES: Flighty boyfriends | Indecisive daters | Date nights | Rebounding

We get asked questions on all topics. Sometimes, the dilemmas that hit the Question Box inspire us to write an essay (or close). Other times, we feel just a few lines will do. We’ll be popping all our shorter letters into a regular section called ‘quickies’. It’s just how it sounds – a short, fast dose of RC advice. Hands up who doesn’t love a quickie? We thought so. In our latest quickies update, we talk flighty boyfriends, indecisive daters, date night options, and convincing a partner that you’re not rebounding.

Waiting game
My boyfriend of three years is fun but flighty. He won’t buy property with me, isn’t sure if he ever wants kids and although we live together, has kept his own flat where he goes if we fight (which is happening a lot lately!). We’re both 32. How long do I wait to plan for the future? Meg

About as long as it takes you to pack his stuff and send him round to his other abode – permanently. Go and create the future you want, Meg; and preferably with a guy who’s on the same page!

Bring back that lovin’ feeling
Our first baby is now one, and we struggled a lot the past year. She didn’t sleep and had some major health issues. Now she’s doing well, but we’re like strangers. Any advice?

Date nights are good but they may feel forced if you’re out of the habit. Choose activities that take you out of your comfort zone – studies have linked fun with a higher level of marital satisfaction. At home, carve out quality time when your baby’s asleep – cook together, share a bottle of wine, steal a kiss’n’cuddle when you can. With a little effort, hopefully that spark will re-ignite all by itself.

Mixed messages
I’ve met a guy who says he likes me, but isn’t sure if he fancies me and needs more time to figure it out. We met on a dating site a month ago and hang out at least 3 times a week.

After four weeks, he needs more time to figure out if he fancies you? Gee, that’s not an insult, or anything. Re-activate your online profile and swap those cosy non-dates for real ones, Penny. You might want to tell Mr Time-Waster to do the same.

He keeps changing his mind
I’m dating a 45-year-old who can’t make up his mind about marriage and kids (I’m 34 and we’ve been together 2 years). I love him, but it’s important to me, so how do I handle this?

Asking a partner where he stands can be a scary, super-uncomfortable conversation, but you’re 34 and it’s been two years and you need to know if Peter Pan is planning to grow up. Say, “I love you, I know you love me, we have a fantastic relationship, and what I’d like is to be married to you and have a family together. I’m putting it out there so we’re clear, and I’m happy to chat about it in a month if you need time to think.” Stick to your deadline. If he’s not on the same page, best you find out now.

Online dating 101
I’m new to online dating. Any essential tips? Anon

Be honest, don’t send too many emails before meeting, and make the first meeting short (ie, a one-hour drink or coffee). You’ll probably know right away if you don’t ‘click’.

I’m NOT rebounding!
My new guy worries I’m on the rebound but when my four year relationship ended two months ago, I was relieved more than anything (my ex was a nightmare). I’m so happy to be with someone nice. But how to make him see that? Anne

Say, ‘My ex was a nightmare and the end of our relationship was frankly a big relief. You’re lovely and I’m happy and I hope things continue going as well as they have been. That’s the honest truth. Now, can we go grab some dinner? I’m starving’. Keep it simple, and repeat as necessary.

Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

1 Comment

  1. Tonya 4 years ago

    Went on a date with a guy years before my car wreck. Avoided him after that. Can’t remember why. This is years later. Talk to him about three times yesterday. Laughed all day. Today he calls me. On the phone for 40 min then he says he feels like he’s been on 50 first dates and we’re on the 40th. All while eating his lunch. He is overseas and is very busy i understand that. Its what he said. Then he says he has a problem. He’s flighty..Talks business to someone then says let me call you back honey. Im like that’s rude. He was real busy. But he called me. Or am I not giving him a Chance…Cause right now im about to be like can i call you back the next time he calls.

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