I have been with my husband for 21 years and we have 2 children. I recently found condoms (which we have never used) in his pocket. When confronted, he told me he hasn’t cheated on me and they were for ‘just in case’. He then said it was all my fault because sex with me is boring and almost non existant. He obviously doesn’t want to fix this problem and did nothing recently when I was hit on by a bloke at our local pub. Any advice? I am 43 yo. Angryhurtmum
Two kids and 17 years of fidelity and you get to uncover a pack of condoms in your hubby’s washing pile. Jeeze, talk about a smack in the face. You must be feeling rotten. Not only is it a complete betrayal of trust (even if he didn’t do anything) but he had the hide to suggest it was somehow your fault!
For the record – it isn’t your fault that he has been mentally playing hide the sausage and buying the prophylactics to back up his fantasies in real life. If your sex life needs spicing up, he should be trying to talk to you about ways to remedy the situation … off the top of my head I’m thinking a date night of two, a saucy weekend without the kids, trying some new positions. You’re obviously an attractive women with plenty of appeal (hello, you get hit on at local pubs) and as your hubby it’s his job to explore ways to enrich your sex life so you can find mutual fulfilment.
It’s your job, too, mind you. Neither you nor your partner can afford to get too lazy on the sex front. I recognise the sheer exhaustion of raising a family and working. But rumpy pumpy does have to be high up on the priority list if you’re going to feel that sense of connection and closeness only good sex can provide. So, what to do? First up: you need to find out the facts. Does he want to stay in the relationship? Is he prepared to work on the sex? Can you rebuild trust between you? (And this last one is the most vital). A trip or two to a counsellor might also be in order if you can get him there. If you can’t, it’s always worth going alone to help you come to terms with what you found and how you feel about it.
Love reality chick