Found out he’s getting married, but we’re still having sex

Found out he’s getting married, but we’re still having sex

Found out my on-off ex is getting married but, he's still having sex with me

I‘ve been on and off with my ex for almost two years. Someone told me he was engaged last year and after confronting him several times, he denied it. For whatever reason, I did not believe him but had no proof. Over the last eight months, he’s been hot and cold, calls and then ignores me, or he just falls off the radar for a period of time. We went three weeks without speaking recently and I decided to check into wedding registries and sure enough, his name popped up.

I had a friend check out the girl’s profile on FB and he is on there. They are to be married in three months. I was shocked. I contacted him and told him I knew. He called and later came over. We talked, we fought, I cried and we had sex. He told me he wanted me in his life in some way. I am a single mom and my son is autistic. I have very little support to help raise him and my life is without much freedom and sponteneity because of this. He also has three kids and has only been divorced for about a year.

I’m 40 and he is 43. We are both very physically fit and extremely attracted to each other and we both agree that the sex is addictive. It’s like a freaking drug. I’m in love with this guy and he knows it. But he doesn’t want to be with someone who has all these restrictions in their life. I can’t blame him. But why wouldn’t he tell me the truth and why keep sleeping with me? I don’t understand how you can be engaged to someone else and cheat on them as long as this. I told him I was thinking about telling her and he said he didn’t care if I did. What should I do? squishyrn

Firstly, let me just say that I’m not in your shoes and can’t even begin to imagine the challenges you must have in your life with an autistic child and little support. But, there are better men you could choose. Kinder men. Men who don’t have three kids and baggage and a looming wedding to someone new (!) before the ink’s even dry on their divorce papers. Men who don’t feel that your life is actually too hard to commit to 24/7 but they’re quite happy screwing you on a regular basis. Which is essentially what this asshat is offering you. Trouble is, he’s not just screwing you. He’s screwing you OVER.

I’m sorry about how you discovered this. I imagine it was very difficult to learn the truth, given how you feel about him. And, tempted as I am to tell you to alert his fiancee to exactly the type of man she’s marrying, don’t. Just don’t involve yourself in his crazy life any longer. Run, run, run as far away from this guy as you can. Cut the cord. Wean yourself. You can have great, addictive, blow-your-head-off sex with other dudes. Men who, I’m sure, will love you and recognise you and your son are a package deal.

Join autism support groups if you haven’t already and single parent groups so you can meet others, possibly those who have special needs kids and will be understanding of your situation. I’m not sure where you’re located, but if it’s in Australia you might want to also check out a new site launching soon for single parents called Unite Me. It’ll have forums for other singles to meet and get to know one another. Similarly, if you google ‘single parents with special needs kids’ and research your local area you’re sure to find a heap of online and off-line groups to tap into. What have you got to lose? It could actually lead to some amazing connections you might not otherwise make when you’re otherwise tied to a douche-bag like your ex.

Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. crystal 5 years ago

    What does it mean if your ex husband wants to keep asking you for sex but is engaged to his ex girlfriend

  2. Lyn 7 years ago

    This keeps coming up on forums. Lots of people still sleeping with their ex. I guess it’s really common.

  3. bron 8 years ago

    You slept with him again after confirming his future marriage?? WHAT???

    An autistic son is not a reason to continue this relationship. It’s an excuse. I too have an autistic son. I too am a single parent.I have no social life whatsoever. I don’t go out for lunch, watch movies, go out for a coffee with friends, work or do much of anything outside of the house. In fact, i have no friends. I have no one i can drop in on, and no one that drops in on me.
    That doesn’t mean i sleep with my ex.
    Wake up to yourself. Get this leech out of your life and stop using your son as an excuse to continue this relationship.
    You’re lonely. Still not a reason to sleep with this slug.
    You know what you do have?
    An amazing child. Autism is not a disability, it’s a different ability. Look for the amazing things that your son does everyday.
    If you are really that lonely, go out when your child is at school, go out WITH your son.
    And do NOT let this slime who doesn’t want the complication of your amazing son continue to run your life. Your son deserves better!
    Oh and don’t think for a moment that he isn’t aware of what you are doing. Autistic kids know a lot more then you think they do, they just can’t express their knowledge.
    Stop disrespecting your son! Stop disrespecting yourself!

    Kick this jackass to the curb. I’m sure he’ll just sleep with one of his other pieces on the side.

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