I have just broken up with my boyfriend of over two years after finding out that he cheated on me via Facebook. I’m absolutely devastated to say the least. Everything was fine the night before, he was telling me that he couldn’t wait to propose to me and then the next night I log onto Facebook to find photos and videos uploaded by his friends of him kissing a mutual friend – who knew we were in a relationship together and knew things were going strong. I can’t fathom for the life of me why this has happened, there were no underlying issues and everything was fine in our relationship. He said he was really drunk and it’s the first time something like this has happened. He said that he’s sorry but we’ve split up regardless. His friends all think that posting the photos and videos is hilarious and it took a lot of effort to get them to take them down. I feel shamed, unworthy of anyone and have no idea what to do or how to get over him. I love him so much and I know that’s completely irrational right now but I truly believed he was The One. How can I get through this without turning into a mess? Brokenhearted
Break-ups are hard and unfortunately Facebook can make them even uglier. What with the posting of dodgy pics, the ‘Hey I’m single now! Let’s go drink tequila’ status updates and the fact that you are still tied up via technology to heaps of mutual friends. Some of whom take sides immediately. Ugh. Finding out your beloved future hubby is a dirty cheater via a few choice pics and videos his mates posted on Facey – well, that’s just the suckiest surprise ever. It’s up there with uncovering your rugby-player boyfriend’s size XL lacy knickers. I’m surprised you even had the strength to type up this letter. If it were me I’d be hiding down a dark hole with a tub of cookies and cream, a bottle of Frangelico and absolutely no internet access. First up – you’ve made some self preserving, smart moves already. Calling it off with him even though he protested his drunkenness (not a good enough excuse if you ask me), getting the pics down (what a complete bunch of dickheads his mates are for giving you a hard time about it) and contacting us. This all tells me you’re going to be just fine.
What you need to do immediately is to stop feeling bad about yourself. If anyone should feel ashamed and unworthy right now – it’s him. Also, remember that you spent over two years with this guy. So it’s natural to still feel love for him. It’s okay to pine and cry and feel like you’re missing a limb. You can’t turn off the tap of emotions right away. There will be a gush for a while, then a stream, then a trickle, a drop and finally, nothing at all.
Getting over him, without turning into a mess? Pick up the phone right now. Call in the troops. Friends – particularly single friends – sisters, family. Tell them you need them. And you also need distractions. Keep very, very busy with loads of fun, energising stuff. Don’t allow yourself to wallow or re-play the events in your mind. Instead, run, read, bike, swim, go to the gallery, the markets. Host a dinner party or an afternoon tea. Plan a weekend away. Go camping. Get a massage. Give your phone to a friend for a couple of days. Delete his number. Get yourself a clear head and some space. And while you may still feel like crap for a while, one day in the not so distant future you will wake up, leap out of bed and smile about its amazing possibilities for new romance.
Love, reality chick