GUEST ADVICE: My girlfriend is threatening to kill herself if I dump her

GUEST ADVICE: My girlfriend is threatening to kill herself if I dump her

Girlfriend threatens to kill herself if I dump her post

My girlfriend is in love with me. I like her, but I’m not sure it’s a forever thing – and when the ‘how long will we stay together’ question popped up recently she said if I ever break up with her she will end her life. I feel our relationship is winding down and to be honest I was actually thinking of ending things. Now, I’m worried. I’m not sure instigating a break-up is the smartest of ideas. If she does kill herself …. well, I feel like it’ll be my fault. Can you help me out? What do I do? Jay

Threats like that puts you in a really difficult position. Your girlfriend obviously really has feelings for you but she also has other feelings she is finding it hard to control – for example perhaps anxiety (“I’ll be too anxious without you and I won’t cope”) and depression. You sound like you are both fairly young? If so, it would be a great idea to communicate with her parents – tell them that you are worried about her and the way she is thinking and feeling. Tell your parents. You cannot keep this information to yourself.

Chances are, she is not sure of how to cope and manage with her feelings, and needs support and help to do this which means sharing the responsibility with positive adults. If you really feel like ending the relationship, then do so with honesty, compassion and kindness. Tell her you’re worried about what she said, that you’re going to/have talked to other adults/friends of hers about it so she has help around her. A threat of suicide should never be taken lightly, but nor should it be a kind of ‘hook’ to keep you in a relationship you don’t want to be in.

Jacqui Manning
The Friendly Psychologist

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Jacqui Manning - a.k.a The Friendly Psychologist - is someone you can really talk to. Working with people and what makes them tick since 1996, she loves sharing what she's learned about getting over life's bumps and curly situations that we all experience from time to time. You can catch her regularly on Channel Nine's MORNINGS show, over at her blog or face-to-face in her Balmain (Sydney) clinic.

1 Comment

  1. Kayla 5 years ago

    So I’m 15 years old and I’m about to turn 16 and so is my boyfriend. His name is Nathan we have a long distance relationship. We’ve been dating since June 17th, we really both love each other, we talk about the future together. I recently got mad and didn’t wanna talk to him because he wasn’t replying to me but turns out he was busy he was filing out college applications . He went a whole day without speaking to me and no one else. Now that he’s over it and were talking I asked him does he feel the same way about everything in the future we planned for he says I love you kaya but I really don’t know. Ever since that I been overly emotional and crying . Woke up this morning nd my eyes was swollen.

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