The lovely Pip Harry – who I started Reality Chick with, but who’s been busy becoming a bestselling YA author these past couple of years – is guest-posting today! Don’t forget to check out Pip’s site to stay in the loop with what she’s up to.
I am completely lost. I’m 18, a virgin and terrified being involved with a guy but I’m aware there are a lot of slappers giving it away from the age of 13. I’ve also seen so many relationships fall apart around me. I am very picky with who I like and date, and especially when family have the slightest opinion about him. But I haven’t even had a real relationship! One guy I really liked ended up dating my sister (!) and to this day she has no idea how I feel. Guys I’ve liked in the past have played games with me, betting on who can get me in the sack or how long it will take.
I’m worried I’m fat and not pretty enough. I’ve tried getting thin. I’ve already lost 14 kilos and I wax and I have, I think, a very good personality. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. One guy has showed me attention in the last 6 months. There was a guy I thought I really liked and was going to be with, until he decided to just ignore me, and act like he had no time for me. 🙁 What do I do? I don’t know how many nights and days I’ve cried over this. I’m trying to be positive but I just don’t know how long I can do that for. Sarah
Hey Sares. So, you’re 18 and a virgin. No biggie. Plenty of people your age haven’t had sex. Lots of people way older than you haven’t had sex. It happens. I once had a boyfriend dry spell that lasted eight, maybe even nine years (nine years! Can you imagine!?). Much like you, I was picky about who I dated (even down to whether he carried a hanky or used cutlery the wrong way) and I didn’t fling my body around like an amusement ride. I was shy and particular about who saw me naked (and as a result, not that many dudes did). I was also concerned about being fat and as a result my weight yo-yoed up down and back up again. So many diets. None of them worked. Looking back I see that I was a catch. I was athletic, fun and adventurous. And, honestly, not so fat after all. But I was also wound up tighter than a clock and I didn’t give guys a chance.
So here’s the advice bit: stop letting guys and how they behave (like total pigs sometimes) determine whether or not your life is awesome. It can just BE awesome. You are gorgeous, young, sweet, smart and destined to have lots and lots of great sex with fantastic men. You ARE. Don’t even try arguing with me, okay? In order to achieve this, all you really have to be is you. Don’t wax the bits that hurt too much, don’t stress about those last kilos, don’t worry what your family thinks of the guys you like (hells bells, they should stay out of it).
Get up out of bed tomorrow and be positive. Be busy. Be engaged with the world. Forget about what the boys are doing (*usually gaming, eating or laughing at fart jokes) and damn well do something amazing yourself. Run a half marathon, learn to paint, organise the best ever girl’s night. Write a short story. Bake something magnificent and share it with your sister. Because sometimes sisters steal the guy you like without even realising it, and you know what, in 10 years, you won’t even remember the fool’s name.
Don’t cry yourself to sleep anymore. Go to bed exhausted from all the great stuff you’ve done that day, smiling about what you’ll get up to tomorrow. My bet is, in six months or a year or two years, you’ll be writing back to us with a story about meeting a wonderful guy. A guy who loves you, your very good personality and your excellent choice to wait on the sex thing. Hang in there doll, he’s just around the corner. But in the meantime, uncoil, unwind and stop over-thinking it.