I was going out with this guy for a few months, it ended, but we remained on and off for over a year after that. Towards the end of that year, I realized he was sleeping with other girls and I had fallen for him much harder than he had for me. I cut contact with him just before starting uni and since then, we’ve hardly seen each other – although I recently found out he had a new girlfriend.
Then, when I came home for a holiday, we slept together. I feel hugely guilty! I completely regret it and empathise with the horrible position his girlfriend will now be in. He’s a scumbag and I know I’m not 100 percent innocent but I do honestly feel terrible. We agreed not to tell anyone but I’m not sure if that was the right thing to do? I know I wish I had been told he was with other girls sooner when we were together and I feel weak for letting this girl go down the same path. Please help! Lisbeth
The siren call of ex sex can be hard to resist, Lisbeth – but scratching that itch with a ex who’s now taken wasn’t your finest moment (or his, of course, but you KNEW he was a lying pants-man when you were dating him). That said, I believe you are remorseful; you’d have to be to question whether it’d be right to ‘fess up to the girlfriend, especially when you consider she’d probably karate-chop you into next week.
I understand that you don’t want her to be made a fool of like he made a fool of you: after all, the pain of being betrayed can be that much more savage when you’re the last to know. If you were an innocent bystander I might have a different answer for you – but your part in this seedy little transgression is too huge for you to involve yourself in her life on any level, anymore.
Also, we don’t know how clued-up this woman is. She may know he’s a player. Or she may be in massive denial. Other people’s relationships are not always what we assume. If she’s blissfully ignorant, I’m guessing she won’t be for long. Karma has a way of sorting out people like your ex. For you, it’s a no-brainer: if you’re going to bonk an ex, make sure he’s not taken – and if he is, remember how you feel right now and walk away.
Love, reality chick