He likes to be called ‘Daddy’ in bed. Is it really that bad?

He likes to be called ‘Daddy’ in bed. Is it really that bad?

Dear RC, I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We have a pretty great relationship and up until recently I didn’t have any concerns. My girlfriends and I were discussing what our men like in the bedroom and I let slip that mine occasionally likes to be called ‘daddy’. A couple of them recoiled in horror like it was the most repulsive thing ever.

Is it really that bad? Since that conversation, I’ve felt a bit ashamed like we’ve been doing something wrong. Prior to that, I quite liked it and had no issue using the name. I’d like to hear your feminine perspective and a Manswer if possible. Love the site! Fei

Personally, I try not to get all judgey about what people do in bed (or out of it) because it’s a very wide, very colorful spectrum. Do I think your boyfriend’s Daddy kink is repulsive? No (although I can see why some people would get their knickers in a twist thinking there’s some kind of icky incest-connotation). Do I think that people who use this word in bed want to have sex with their fathers? One hundred times no. I just think it’s a word with connotations of power and taboo that gets people hot – a lot of people if you’ve ever read any erotica or articles like this one.

So Fei, my advice is, if you’re happy and your boyfriend’s happy, no biggie. Different horses, eh? See below for a bit of mixed advice from the Manswers Men. Oh – and readers, what do you think? Is ‘Daddy’ talk in bed sexy or a bit, well, sick? Let us know in the comments.

Love, reality chick

Manswers Man Bernard says… It depends on the context. If it’s used in a sexy way I don’t see anything wrong with using the term ‘daddy’. I don’t see any paedophilia connotation whatsoever. You’ve got to understand, the whole daddy thing is a domination thing for a guy. Your boyfriend clearly gets off on it, he wants to be dominant and getting you to call him daddy is an act of submissiveness on your part. It probably just makes him feel more powerful and macho. Ignore your mates. They’re prudes and they can’t see the kinky side.

Manswers Man Dr Phil says… I guess it’s a sexual term of endearment, although, yeah, it could be seen as seriously weird out of context. I think it’s more of an Americanism – but you know what? There’s no harm. In the case of a woman wanting to say it to her guy, rather than the other way around – I reckon that could be pretty revealing and might perhaps relate to a past troubled relationship with a partner’s father. Sharon Osbourne, anyone? At the end of the day, though, you should be free to call each other whatever you want in the sack!

Manswers Man BB says… Fei, it does sound a bit creepy, but what’s the context? Are we talking “ooooh, cuddle me Daddy”, as in nurture me, or “Daddy, I’ve been a very naughty girl, do me now!”. Assuming it is the former I don’t see a major problem in this affectionate banter. And as far as your friends being horrified, well – you can bet they didn’t divulge ALL of their bedroom antics, so don’t feel ashamed. Just keep what happens between you and your man to yourselves.

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. The Coyote 3 years ago

    I’m into all kinds of stuff so I try not to judge. But the Daddy thing is fucked up. Not because pedophilia but because it perpetuates the myth of feminine powerlessness. What kind of weak little man needs to be a Daddy? It’s the same crap over and over again. I’m a man but I’m a feminist too. It’s far more sexy when a woman is powerful, an equal. Warrior Goddess shit. Not some weak little princess, but a lioness. Those who choose to play these power games are subortinaing to their role. Might be ok to you but I would never want my wife or daughter to be so weak.

  2. QueenBlackDiamond 5 years ago

    I can totally relate! I’ve told my friends that my boyfriend likes when I call him daddy, in bed, and they totally think it’s weird and I was a little ashamed at first too but hey my man gets off on it. It’s a dominance thing, they want to feel in control. Just be free and make your man happy as long as he makes you happy(;

  3. Lizzie 5 years ago

    Honesty I find it hot and I would love it if my partner had a daddy kink.

  4. Jessica 6 years ago

    this is about 2 years late snorts but daddy kink is hot (though i’ve never really tried..) BUT it IS pretty hot and i can totally get off from it when reading or watching this kink. though the version i like is a little more fucked up. they use the term ‘daddy’ on a daily basis like at every single moment so the submissive one is totally submissive and he gets his punishment and all if he acts like a ‘bad boy’ because ‘daddy needs to teach you how to be good, do you want to be good for daddy?’. oh and yes, i like the gay version. even more fucked up hm? throw in cross dressing (only a little of this though, im not keen on straight sex for some reason), a lot of manhandling on the dominant side and some rimming, you’ll get what i like to read almost everyday. totally unhealthy for my age aha

  5. rubber 8 years ago

    Mansers Man BB had it spot on: “as far as your friends being horrified, well – you can bet they didn’t divulge ALL of their bedroom antics, so don’t feel ashamed. Just keep what happens between you and your man to yourselves.”

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