He needs a lot of sex for medical reasons, and I can’t keep up. Help!

He needs a lot of sex for medical reasons, and I can’t keep up. Help!

My boyfriend has a much high sex drive than I do. Medically speaking he has to have a lot of sex. Before we got together he wasn’t having sex as much and he overproduced and blew out one of his testicles. Our sex life has been fine up until now. We were having sex almost everyday, yet earlier this week he was in the ER because he was overproducing and blew out a tube. I work two jobs and am utterly exhausted when I come home. I love him and want to be intimate but physically I can’t do it as much as he needs. When discussing this with a friend the subject of having another person involved was brought up but I can’t even think about him being intimate with another while we are together. Help?! Jessica

I think it’s safe to say I have never had a question like yours, and I’m no doctor, so I can’t really comment on your guy’s ‘issue’. High libido, maybe. Ending up in the ER for sperm overproduction… er, not really my area and to be honest, I was dubious about the validity of your letter at first. Out of curiosity though, I did consult Dr Google, and whaddaya know – chronic prostatitis, which can strike men of all ages, is just one condition apparently improved by frequent ejaculation (which clears the prostate). Seriously, I learn something new every day.

Whether or not that’s your boyfriend’s condition, it’s separate to your issue – which comes down to a simple question of your values and what you’re comfortable with. Bringing another third party into your relationship to take the sexual heat off you, so to speak, may sound like a solution to your partner’s enormous physical needs but it’s not if the idea makes your skin crawl. It’s okay to own that. It’s crucial to know – and be honest about – exactly where you draw the line in a relationship. Plus, it sounds like it’s not something you’ve actually discussed with your partner.  If it did come up with him and he was all for it, be honest about how uncomfortable you are with the idea. You’re not exactly telling him to talk to the hand, but hey – using his hand strikes me as the most obvious option when you’re just not up for bumping uglies yet again, and better yet, it’s not a solution that puts your relationship under threat.

Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. Sharing and caring 6 years ago

    I’m going to go along w the idea that this is a serious condition. I’m going to assume he needs to relieve the pressure in the tubes regularly. If daily sex has been doing the trick.. It doesnt seem like a huge problem. He can relieve himself daily. Sex w you isnt his only option. Your intimate time and relationship doesn’t need a third person, it needs two valued people. What about YOUR needs? What about his care and attention and time and understanding of your needs. I think he should be taking care of “excesses” and you should build a strong bond together and share sex and intimacy.

  2. Wow I have learnt something everyday as well. But agree with you reality chick what is wrong with the hand if it is just about clearing it out.

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