He only wants me for casual sex, and I’m hurt

He only wants me for casual sex, and I’m hurt

I was in the beginnings of a relationship with a guy when he suddenly stopped talking to me. When I asked what was going on, I received a non-committal ‘talk soon’ text message back. He did get back to me about a week later and said that he didn’t want an exclusive relationship – but, he asked me, was I keen on having casual sex? I’m feeling quite hurt at his suggestion. This translates to me that I’m OK for a root but not a relationship. Why would he suggest this or is this normal?! Am I being stupid? Suzie

Are you being stupid? No. You’re being human. If love was a gift, you were expecting a solid silver Tiffany bracelet and instead you got a Happy Meal toy. You should expect to feel ripped off at his suggestion of the odd meaningless root after you thought things were heading towards a real relationship.

I’m guessing you were hoping for dates, hand holding and shared dreams? And he just wanted a warm, compliant body. Yeowch. Dating is tricky sometimes. People have so many different expectations. Some want casual sex, other want matching Volvos and a mortgage. Remember not to devalue yourself because his standards don’t match yours. Next time, be upfront about what you’re looking for, and remember that not all blokes think it’s normal to suggest sex with no strings.

Love, reality chick

Got a question? Email askme@realitychick.com.au or use the
RC Question Box! (Questions may be edited.)
Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. lambi 6 years ago

    Just reading the comments here and feel I’m in the same boat. I met this guy who was upfront by saying it was just sex. I was happy with that but I have to keep it a secret and everything is on his terms. He makes the decision of when I go round to him. I’ve been stupid by falling in love with him and it’s driving me crazy.

  2. lady T 8 years ago

    Hi gal
    Am in the same situation as you, my boyfriend dumped me with no reason and I was very hurt coz I love him very much now after about 3 weeks of the break up he called me to meet with him , he said ” can we become sex partners?” I was like what the fu**g? But I love him and I also want to have sex with him but I want us to be in a relationships not just “sex partners”
    Any advice to win his love back
    Plz no negative advices

    • Author

      No no no no no… he doesn’t get to dump you, break your heart and then offer to be your fuck buddy. Lady T, you deserve better than that.
      I honestly think you should decline, tell him you love him and would like a relationship with him (if you still would) but that’s the bottom line. If he sees that you put a value on yourself, maybe he will too and not be so quick to throw it all away.
      If not… you’ve got a heads up on what he’s looking for – no-strings sex – and you’ll dodge a bullet and more heartbreak by moving on and find a guy who wants the whole package.
      Hugs. RC x

  3. jenny 8 years ago

    My best friends friend wanted to be friends with me. And i’m starting to think he just wanted me for sex. Now he stopped talking to me and i don’t really know way. the thing is i like him

  4. Catie Raoui 8 years ago

    Don Worry Gal We On The Same Boat Bt I Think The Best Thing Is 2 Walk Out Of It Don Allow Ua Swit Self To Be Used In The Mean Time Work On Ua Slf Do Wat U Lyk N Enjoy Ua Lyf To The Fullest.believe Me Its His Loss And Ul Find Someone Hu Wil Be Dying To Share His All With U!!

  5. Monique 10 years ago

    As a woman..it really hurts. The guy only want to have a sex with you.I think he wants freedom for his self. I mean he don’t want to have a normal relationship, he only want a sexual relationship.

  6. Kim 10 years ago

    He has been upfront with you, which is a good thing. He could have instead strung you out for sometime with promises of love and devotion and dated others on the side and hurt you long term Consider that you may have just dodged a bullet. Don’t doubt your own self worth because of his message to you. It could be that you both have different ideals. His ideal being no strings casual sex, and your on a different page and want commitment. At least he has been upfront, and the decision now is yours.

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