He stuffed me around badly – and now I want revenge

He stuffed me around badly – and now I want revenge

revengeI was seeing a guy for a couple of months. Everything seemed great. Although he tried to fast-forward things. He wanted to meet my whole family straight away. I was like, what’s the rush? We only just met. I wanted to wait as there wouldn’t have been much point if it soon fizzled out. Two months later he dumped me because he ‘wanted to be single’. I was angry – I mean, why lead me on and start a relationship to begin with? Then months later he texts me (lazy communication) and begs and pleads for another chance. Says everything will be different. I said I’d think about it. We arranged to have coffee. Then at the last minute he stood me up. Again, I was really angry. What about our plans? So much for bloody changing! Then he calls me a nutjob! WTF? How can people be so cruel? I want revenge. Angry Ex

I can imagine. What a muppet he turned out to be. I have a friend who always says (ominously) to beware the Keen Man. She’s dated a few, and believes they almost always try and rush things, only to drop you like a hot potato when they realized they’ve ‘hooked’ you. Baffling, really. People on the dating scene who play stupid games, toy with others – almost just because they can – well, it’s not just bad manners. It’s practically sociopathic, if you ask me. I understand your infuriation, but see this for what it is: a very good lesson. You’ve sharpened your guy gauge for next time, and that’s invaluable.
I wholeheartedly support you giving your ex a serve for his bad behaviour – either by phone or email. However, chances are that someone of his advanced dickhead status won’t have the self awareness to actually take it on board, much less change his behaviour going forward. So whether it’s worth your time and effort is debatable. As for revenge – I know it’s tempting, but don’t. You’ll invariably end up looking like a nutter, and there are more effective ways to make your point. Like cutting him off. Ignoring him. Blanking him. Defriending him on Facebook. Unfollowing him on Twitter. If he happens to catch you on the phone by sneakily calling from a blocked number (I wouldn’t put it past him), say firmly, ‘I have nothing to say to you. Please don’t contact me again.’ And hang up.
I know you’re mad, and hurt and feel like your heart has gone through a meat grinder. But don’t let it consume you. There are great guys out there who DO have manners. Who behave honourably. And who know it’s just not cool to stuff a woman around. Rather than waste time on fantasies about getting back at him, I’d be getting back out there and finding someone better. That, to me, is really the best revenge ever.
Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

8 Comments

  1. Bubble Girl 9 years ago

    I call them “One Act Wonders” – they have an absolutely blow your mind, out of this world, over the top first act – and it has to be, because there is no second, third or other acts to follow – all the “acts” which make a relationship. I think it is because these guys (and girls are guilty of it too) fear making a commitment. For whatever reason. Maybe some of them do it because they truly are “sociopaths”, or maybe they actually think they can make a commitment but when push comes to shove, they freak out and run. But whatever the reason is, it is not your responsibility to fix it.

    I do know how you feel – my ex was one of these – within the first few weeks he was talking about having kids, he even dragged me to a fertility specialist to explore our options. He totally sucked me (well, actually, in truth, I allowed myself to be sucked in). But four months in, the cracks began to appear . . . he lived in a fantasy world and couldn’t sustain a real relationship. But I was hooked and it took me another 10 months to escape his insanity.

    RC and Lola are right, the best revenge is living successfully – don’t give him the power to hurt you anymore. And believe me, that will hurt him more than anything you can think of “doing” to him – in fact, from my experience, it usually drives them nuts because they just can’t believe that you don’t want anything to do with them anymore.

    There are men who are more deserving of your attention . . . and go with your gut and don’t let the next one push you . . . as you said yourself, what’s the rush?

    • Author
      reality chick 9 years ago

      Holy shit, a fertility clinic?! In the first few weeks??? That is major.

      Love your name for them – One Act Wonders. I think the Baggage Reclaim blogger in the UK refers to them as ‘Future Fakers’ which is quite catchy too.

      Anyway. Hugs hon. XX

      • Bubble Girl 9 years ago

        yeah, yeah . . . I know . . . I should have run a mile then . . . Oh well, live and let learn huh? 🙂 Seasons hugs to you too! xx

    • MadMan1981 8 years ago

      I am a guy and had this done to me. She was on the rebound but did not want to admit to it. The worst thing was that I left someone to be with this woman, only to discover down the line she was a future faker, a cheat and a human being with no decency or integrity. I can’t be bothered to let people like that into my life anymore, life is too short to be spent with imbeciles.

      I made more than my fair share of mistakes with women, and occasionally -albeit unintentionally- hurt a few women in the process, but I am deeply sorry and regretful for the pain I had inflicted to my ex, she deserved better. Anyway, just to say be very careful when someone comes on too strong in the beginning, showers you with gifts, attention, kind words, tells you what you want to hear, do yourself a favor and keep your heart closed, or open up very cautiously. I made the mistake of opening up completely and trusting that woman, only to have my heart taken to the meat grinder and broken into a billion pieces. Recovery has been ongoing for almost a year and I am slightly coming back to life, but what a valuable life lesson…

      • Author
        reality chick 8 years ago

        Totally agree. I would be wary getting involved with ANYONE on the rebound no matter how much they try and tell you they’re fine, over their ex, yada yada. Everyone needs time to process a break-up and be ready for the next relationship.
        Gotta love those life lessons eh MadMan :-\

  2. Lola 9 years ago

    Angry Ex, RC is totally spot-on! The word “sociopath” just fits perfectly to define this jerk in a nutshell. Problem is that sometimes, deep down, we gals believe that we might have done something “wrong”, blah, blah, blah. An old favourite of mine when I was on the dating scene was to play the role of saviour / fixer. Guys like your ex are just power abusers who deep down may be suffering from the small penis syndrome. They push on for further commitment early in the piece because they assume (many times rightly) that females are all for it.

    Are men truly hunters? I don’t know. I don’t but silly anthropological clichés. All the same, there’s a percentage of the (male) population that fits the sociopath role with all the hunter trappings. Take care of yourself. You haven’t lost anything. The best ‘revenge’ is indifference.

    • Author
      reality chick 9 years ago

      ‘Power abusers suffering from small penis syndrome…’

      Lola, I just love your comments 🙂

      RC X

    • Pat Riarchy 8 years ago

      Being a man, I would reverse the genders in your comment and change things to huge vagina syndrome etc.

      I would even think it true that females would far outweigh men in this regard. I wonder why you would identify those actions with females and hence make a mockery of your claim “there’s a percentage of the (male) population that fits the sociopath role”. You felt the need to specifically identify “male” rather than leave it as people.

      I can tell you from experience that every female I have ever spent time with from one nighters to 4 year relationships all want the one thing. To define what “stage” of a relationship I am in and strive to meet the requirements of the next stage with the view to marriage and early retirement for the female.

      Also noting that females expect to manipulate men with sex and gain from sex. If a female does not get the pay off she has imagined for having sex then she has been used. She did not have sex for her own enjoyment. It’s part of the job. Actually, 53% of Aussie females believe sex is a chore. 57% believe a man should pay for them if there is the possibility of sex (whilst at the same time screaming for equality). 85% of married females would rather eat chocolate or go shopping than make love with the man they “love”. 87% of females fake their orgasms. Not only that but everything about females is fake. Hair, eyebrows, eyes, skin, lips, boobs, height, weight, age, personality, orgasms, love etc. During 2011 Cosmo had 2 articles teaching females how to be completely fake to manipulate men to get what you want. That is, THE RING. As Beyonce made quite clear. The ONE ring to bind them and in the Darkness…. (Lord of the Rings). Females have to resort to such fakery (and hence psychosis) because the only thing a female can offer a man these days is a 75% chance she will ruin his life. But it’s still all men’s fault.

      In 7 years time you are going to realise how tenuous your position is.

      It amazes me that females can’t figure out why men don’t want them.

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