He thinks I’m making eyes at other guys but I’m not. Help!

He thinks I’m making eyes at other guys but I’m not. Help!

NEW Q: "He thinks I’m making eyes at other guys"

My fella is always at me whenever we are in public. He says I make eye contact with every man I see. I have started to look at the floor to avoid arguments. I don’t think I make unnecessary eye contact, but he always pulls me up on it. What should I do? Han

We are all a bit super sensitive to issues like yours right now, given the recent public ‘choking’ incident between Charles Saatchi and wife Nigella Lawson. Your letter is short, but it gave me a bad feeling. I don’t like to think of you turning yourself inside out to be submissive in order to avoid your boyfriend’s (seemingly illogical) jealousy.

And, if this how he makes you feel every time you’re out together, it must really put a dampener on any hot date or social occasion. You shouldn’t have to constantly mollify your guy about how you’re not into anyone but him. If I were you, I’d accept that he has deep-seated control issues you probably won’t be able to change, and it could well be time to move on.

Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

4 Comments

  1. Chaz 5 years ago

    Guys are much more visual than girls. There are numerous studies that reveal this – just google it.
    The reason he thinks you’re checking out all these guys is he thinks you think like he does. He doesn’t understand that women are wired differently. You should pull him aside and explain this to him people watching is not the same as making eyes.

  2. Thanks for that insight Sweetie. I’m glad you got treatment for your anxiety, it can be an overwhelming and exhausting condition. Good to hear you and your fiancé are now in a much better place!

  3. Sweetie 7 years ago

    I just wanted to give some insight as the other person of this story. About a year into my relationship I started getting very insecure. I always thought my boyfriend was looking at/interested in every other girl around us. It got to the point where I would have melt-downs in public, my boyfriend was miserable, it was horrible for me because I didn’t understand why I felt so insecure, and it was awful for him because he wasn’t doing anything wrong and I was making him feel guilty and confused. If he looked at a girl I would think he was interested in them, and if he didn’t look I’d say he had noticed them but looked away to make me feel better, which still made me feel bad. He couldn’t win either way.

    Turns out I had a severe anxiety disorder and ended up having a nervous breakdown. I was put on anti-depression medication and my anxiety/insecurity went away within a few months. My boyfriend is now my fiance. We are so happy and everything is steady and healthy now.

    Your boyfriend has insecurity issues. Hopefully he learns to address them so that you two can be happy together. Maybe try to get him to open up about his fears and why he feels insecure about other guys, and why he’d think you’d be interested in making eyes at other guys. Counselling would most definitely help. Please keep yourself safe though and make sure it doesn’t escalate to anything worse than what it is now, and only stick around if he’s willing to change. I was desperate to find out what was wrong with me so I could become a better/healthier partner.

    Good luck xx

    • Ariana 3 years ago

      I enjoyed reading your post. Im going through the same issue. Naturally I look at men and women up and down because I am an observant person; however, my boyfriend thinks that when I look at men like that I’m checking them out. When I look at men I’m mainly observing, judging, or just criticizing in my head. He believes that I am interested. When we attempt to talk about it, it always ends up in an argument. I’ve offered to go to counseling with him but he does not believe in that. I don’t know what else to do. Sometimes I’m even fearful of going out to social settings because of that. It’s something that’s just natural to me. I don’t know how to change it. Any suggestions?

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