Help! Can’t get no lovin’ for my caped crusader

Help! Can’t get no lovin’ for my caped crusader

I‘ve been with my girlfriend for 4 months. Our sex life is okay – we are both 21 and have had other partners but here’s the thing. She won’t go down on me … like, ever. I’m not circumsised and she’s only been with guys who are but like that should make a difference. Not sure if she went down on them or not, as it’s not really something we have been able to talk much about. Worse, she’ll tell me she’s going to do it via a text or on the phone or if we’re out, but then she’ll always change her mind or ‘forget’ or if I ask her to do it she will just look at my boy in horror like I’ve released the kraken or something. I am a pretty giving guy myself, just so you know, so this is getting to me big time. LS

Hey LS. It probably has nothing to do with whether you’re circumcised or not – some girls like to give but not receive; others like to receive but can’t face getting up close and personal with anyone’s trouser snake, even if they’d like to return the favour. It sounds like she wants to please you (hence the promises etc), but chickens out at the last minute and if you want me to speculate, it could be down to several reasons: a) she’s not had much experience giving oral sex; b) you need to take more showers or c) you’ve got a sizeable willy which freaks her out (hey, you said kraken, not me). I will however say that no one should ever be forced to do anything in bed that they don’t want to do, and you don’t sound like the type to beg, plead or get pouty about it, which can only help your case, really.
Given you haven’t been together long all you can do is just make it known that you like it (which you seem to have done already) and hope that she comes to the party in time. If there’s ever a good moment for some saucy small talk you can always ask what worries her about it, or what might make her more inclined to do it, or if you can help at all. Some women, if they’re not experienced in bed, aren’t keen on oral sex at first and grow to like it later. But if she’s not keen, she’s not keen – that’s life. Not everyone gets exactly what they want in bed – even if they have great sexual compatibility with their partner – and if you love the person, you just have to suck it up (bad pun).
Love, reality chick

~ Been in this situation yourself with a partner? How did you overcome it (if you did)? Comments welcome, kids.

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. Vixen 9 years ago

    Im a woman and had this problem, i wanted to please my boyfriend but because i didnt have much experiance, i was scared to ‘go down there’ in case i did it wrong and looked like an idiot. It just takes time, maybe she needs to see your package more and get aquainted with it! seeing my boyfriend walking around naked made me feel more comfortable with it. Just reassure her that you love her and her body and being with her! The chances are its not your fault at all! it’ll resolve itself don’t worry 🙂 x

  2. pollypringle 11 years ago

    I feel for the guy, but c’mon – what about the dudes out there who’d rather be poked in the eye with a blunt stick than go muff-diving?

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