I just read this Q&A you answered, and I’m in the exact situation. I’m 25 and been married nearly three long years. I don’t want to hurt my husband but at the same time I feel like I’m dying inside staying with him. I think I’m scared because I don’t earn much and we own a house together. Any advice on this would be awesome. Anon
I urge you to talk to your husband about your feelings, if you haven’t already. Perhaps there is a middle ground for you guys that’s worth exploring before you call time on the whole thing. Is it about him as a person? Have you fallen out of love? Or is it about being married in general? Is there a part of you craving more freedom, more nights out with your girlfriends, weekends away? You married quite young and if a lot of your friends are deep in the single lifestyle, that could be contributing to your overall discontent.
If not – and you know in your heart that the only way forward is out – then find a good counsellor. Go on your own first to sort through your feelings, and then with your husband. There are counsellors out there who specialize in helping couples separate and if your husband doesn’t feel the same and thinks everything is hunky-dory, you may really need that impartial third party to help you through the whole process. I’m not going to sugar-coat it: splitting up, unravelling your life together, getting a divorce – if it comes to that – will be gut-wrenching for both of you. But if you have felt this way for a long time, you’ve tried to make it better and can’t see your feelings changing, you need to face this sad impasse head on, rather than staying silent and locked in a marriage that’s slowly destroying you. The details don’t matter. A house can be sold. You can get a better-paying job. You can find a new place to live. All of that is just stuff.
Before you decide anything, though, your husband needs a heads up. So go put the kettle on, sit him down, take his hand, and start talking.
Love, reality chick