Help me stop the ‘finger torture’!

Help me stop the ‘finger torture’!

I have a embarrassing sex problem for you. I’ve been seeing this guy for a while, and we’ve only had sex a couple of times. We waited for ages before doing it (for various reasons) so I was expecting it to be pretty good when we finally got to it. But, it’s not great. Not great at all. He thinks he knows what he’s doing on the arousal thing but I’m starting to think he’s way more inexperienced than I thought. Foreplay, for instance, has become an increasingly painful process where he basically uses his finger in a shoving motion, as a kind of dildo inside me and it HURTS! Help me stop the ‘finger torture’! More Anon Than I’ve Ever Been In My Life

Step away from the finger! Ha. Sorry More Anon, the last thing I want to do is be flippant about your boyfriend’s foreplay skills. Which sound, to be honest, downright abysmal. But, forget all the Hollywood movies where the star-crossed lovers get it on for the first time in beautiful, mutual-climaxing glory. It’s just not how many first-time shags with a new partner pan out. Unless you’re drunk, but … well, let’s not go there.
Basically, this guy and his finger need a crash course in Turn-Ons For Girls 101. And my dear, you are going to be the teacher. Don’t worry, I’m not advocating a cosy chat about your favourite foreplay moves over a cup of Horlicks. Not everything in a relationship requires verbal communication. Rather, next time he does the finger thing, grab that finger and direct it to where it’ll be more useful. Then, show the finger how you like to be touched. Add a few well-timed moans (all the better if they’re genuine) and a few passionate kisses to give him a definite green light. But, I betcha it won’t be long before he gets it – and happily, without that stomped-ego feeling that comes with your partner saying, “Oh for pity’s sake, if you’re going to pretend your finger’s a dildo one more time I’m putting my clothes on and going home.” Happy shagging, y’hear?
Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).



  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Inner West Live, reality chick. reality chick said: Sex with a new partner. Sometimes awesome. Sometimes just … icky. […]

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