He’s amazing, but I just can’t fall in love with him

He’s amazing, but I just can’t fall in love with him

when you're not into him post3.jpgI was married ten years, have been separated for three and I’ve met a new guy six months ago who’s absolutely amazing to me and my two kids. He’d do anything in the world for us. The problem? I love him but I’m not falling in love with him. I broke it off six weeks ago because I don’t want to string him along; he’s too great a guy for that, but he’s still trying to just be friends. I admit I do miss him and do care about him but I’m just not getting the feeling that I can’t live without him.

The other issue is financial. He couldn’t support us even if I wanted that. It scares me because he is 35 and still lives with a roommate. He has no children but with two of my own, I need stability and someone that can help take care of us. It’s not about wanting a free ride – I do just fine taking care of myself and my kids, but the fact that he can’t be an equal partner makes it hard for me to visualise a future with him. I know love isn’t just about money – and he is an amazing guy. But something’s holding me back and I’m just not crazy about him like I was about my kids’ father. Mandy

Honestly, Mandy? You’re not feeling it. You can bang on all you want about how amazing he is, but it’s impossible to manufacture the hots for someone when you’re not feeling it. It probably doesn’t help that he’s 35, still doing the roommate thing and hasn’t got his financial shit together. Don’t feel bad about the fact that, at this point in your life with two kids to support, you actually want to be dating an adult. An adult you’re crazy in love with who also happens to have all his ducks in a row.

I think you’re stuck in the ‘it’s been 3 years and I really should have a new partner by now’ spiral but you can’t push these things or try to work around a guy who’s not quite right, amazing as he might be. So stick to your break-up guns, tell him it’s too soon to have contact or try to build a friendship (for his sake maybe, rather than yours) and plough forward with a positive spirit. From where I’m sitting, the fact that you’ve given yourself time to get over your marriage and know instinctively what you don’t want in a future partner is going to make it so much easier for you to know when the right one comes along.

Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


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