I come from an affectionate family of huggers, and I’ve met his family and they are not the hugging type. I constantly tell him that I need affection and romance. I even broke up with him for about two weeks over this, and he had said he wanted to be romantic towards me, but has not come through. He says he’s trying but I don’t see it. He couldn’t even pick an appropriate Mother’s Day card, and as my birthday approaches I’m worried that he either sucks at gift giving or doesn’t care, and that will be a catalyst for me to go crazy.
I’ve talked with him about it over and over again about my need for him to be romantic. Is there anything more I can do to bring it out in him? I’m frustrated, I care about him, but I’m hurting myself over not getting my needs met. Jakuk
Can people change? I like to think so, yes – if they really want to. Can people who aren’t romantic by nature change? Maybe, but I think it’s a tall order, given my dating history with men like yours. One ex in particular was the poster boy for being unromantic and unaffectionate. Presents were always appliances, and he reminded me on special occasions that he ‘didn’t do’ cards. He also didn’t do flowers, believing they were a waste of money because they, you know, were already DEAD. Fun times.
I’m realistic about the fact that we don’t get everything we need in a relationship – but some things are non-negotiable. Are romance and affection your non-negotiables? I think you need to figure out if you can weigh up this guy’s positive points, accept that he may never have it in him to give you what you need, and decide if you can get your head around it. There’s no shame in admitting you can’t. Some people, much as we like or love them, just aren’t a good fit for us and moving on will be easier now than after years spent hoping he might change into the guy you wish he was.
Love, reality chick