How can I stop wanting my ex back?

How can I stop wanting my ex back?

can't forget my ex post version

How do you get past the stage of wanting your ex back in a breakup? I’m coming out of a 2 year relationship and I feel like I’m stuck at this point. It’s holding me back from moving on. I’ve been keeping myself busy and doing the things you’re meant to but I just feel like I’m getting nowhere. Trying

Do you mean it’s been two years since you split … or you’ve JUST broken up from a two year relationship? If it’s the former, are you dating? Meeting new people? Have you put all the reminders of your ex away? Are you doing no contact or have you stayed friends? Do you stalk him on Facebook (like reportedly 90 percent of people)? Do you try to get snippets of info about his life from mutual friends? Do you take innocent ‘detours’ to drive past his house? If any or all of the above sound familiar, there’s your answer. You’re just prolonging your heartache. I know it’s hard, I know it sucks, but you’ve GOT to establish some distance before you can move on. You’ve got to let go of this guy.

If, on the other hand, your split is super fresh, these sucky feelings are pretty normal. Break-ups tip the world off its axis for a while and you need to give yourself time to recalibrate. But my advice is essentially the same – keep your distance and have zero contact. Keep filling that space in your life like you’re doing, and one day you’ll wake up and realise there isn’t a space there at all.

Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

1 Comment

  1. Lola 8 years ago

    There’s some info missing in Trying’s message. Apart from RC’s spot-on questions, there are guys who will never allow you to make them “history”. They will do the stalking and you’re painted into a corner. Would that be the case here as well?
    On a different note, I wonder in which dating “manual” says you’ve got to remain “friends” with your ex, unless what they mean is to remain “civil” to them. If you’ve got children in common, you certainly have to stay on speaking terms. But from there to “friendship” there is a sea of difference.
    It appears that these days the lines between civility, friendship and speaking terms after a breakup have become very blurry. After a breakup, the healthiest approach is to reclaim one’s own space, and that involves getting the ex fully out of the picture, burning those letters, destroying those reminders, unfriending them on Facebook, unfollowing them on Twitter, writing a letter to them on Letters To My Ex, and probably taking leave from common friendships. We can’t truly grieve if we’ve got our ex’s energy still around us. All the best.

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