How can I survive my long-distance marriage?

How can I survive my long-distance marriage?

My boyfriend and I are planning to get married 1-2 years from now. At first he is going to live in another country until I can get his papers and whatever so I can bring him to the US. How can I survive being married and living so far away from him? It’s bad enough as boyfriend and girlfriend but as a married couple is way harder. So Close But Yet So Far

You’re so right. Living apart as a married couple bites the big one. In fact, all long distance relationships are a head trip. Take heart – so many (happy, strong) couples find themselves in your shoes. Military folks spend months at a time apart during deployments; others, like you, are separated by visa issues, work and other roadblocks. We’ve said this before, and here it is again: The important thing is to keep talking. You may not be able to snuggle up together every night, but fortunately technology is making it easier to stay close.

Sort out a Skype account and a good web cam and make sure your partner does the same. Then set aside times to talk online. Two years sounds like a lifetime, but it’s not. Especially because you guys are planning for a long future of togetherness, grand kiddies and rocking out together on the porch.

So be patient. That time will come. This is no flash in the pan, and your mutual fidelity and commitment will serve you in very good stead when you are reunited and starting a life together. I would also suggest going to him if you can. A friend of mine recently relocated to Bermuda for six months (from Sydney, Australia … now that’s a long plane trip) because she just couldn’t bear to be apart from her guy any longer. They got married soon after. I’m guessing you won’t have as many issues getting into his country as he does yours (that Green Card can be tricky to come by). So perhaps you could take a break from work and spend a few weeks with him, or if funds are tight, open a bank account that you can both regularly chip into so you can have a trip to look forward to and plan towards.

You will also need a good support network at home and plenty of ways to stay positive and busy. I’d rally good friends and family to keep you company on those lonely nights and quiet Sundays. And develop interests, lots and lots of interests (sky-diving, chess, scrapbooking, quilting, cooking) to keep you from getting down when all you want is to see his lovely face. Good luck, we can’t wait to see the wedding pics.

Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

3 Comments

  1. CapricaStar 9 years ago

    @realitychickaus Yup! Did long distance for 9 mths, got married, lived together for 7 mths, did long distance for 6-hard, but we survived 🙂

    • realitychickaus 9 years ago

      @CapricaStar Wow, that’s hard going! Good for you both getting through it 🙂

      • CapricaStar 9 years ago

        @realitychickaus It was defn tough! I think as long as you aren’t doing long distance for life & have a clear “end date” you can get thru it

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