How do I spice up my dating sales pitch?

How do I spice up my dating sales pitch?
Hey RC. Having nursed my broken heart it’s now time to get back in the game – but rather than trawl bars and nightclubs I thought I might give the classifieds a whirl. But how do I sell myself without looking cheap? Funny Girl
That’s today’s million dollar question. And although I’ve done my time in the dating trenches I have not, as yet, tackled the classifieds. So, in the interests of research, I spent the past week penning my own ad. Unfortunately, I totally sucked at it. So I moved on to reading other people’s. What I gleaned is that boasting is bad form, especially if you drive a Ferrari or have a rack that rivals Pamela Anderson’s. Ditto the lingo. Even if you’re a DDF HWW with a GSOH and a penchant for B&D (Drug and Disease Free Hard Working Woman with a Good Sense of Humour and a love of Bondage and Discipline), spell it out or you’ll look like you’ve been trawling the personals for years. It’s just NAGL (Not a Good Look). I can tell you’re a smart chick, Funny Girl, but spell-check it anyhow. Not that yours would read anything like, ‘I rolly luv restrants and the cinemar’ but if just one slippery sucker of a typo gets through you know you’ll kick yourself into next week. And let’s face it, you’ll be too busy next week dating Mr Perfect from the Personals, right?
Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. reality chick 9 years ago

    At January 29, 2007 11:30 PM , reality chick said…

    hey funny… i'm glad you're getting somewhere with the personals. But $35 a pop… sheesh. When the hell did Cupid's arrow get so freaking pricy?
    Now, i'm no expert but I do think it's noice to reply to everyone who has bothered to call. However if you do it by text they then have your number, so is there a way you can text them via the web or something? To potential dates, the lunchtime call is safe but also unrevealing – being a nosy person myself I would opt for an early evening tingle so you can sus out the background noises and make sure they're not a) adulterers or b) nutjobs. Girlfriend/wife/mother/doberman/power-saw – check. Y'know?

  2. Funny Girl 9 years ago

    At January 29, 2008 4:51 PM , funny girl said…

    Dear RC,
    The phone may not quite be ringing off the hook but I have had 16 would-be beaus leave a message
    However, my GSOH almost went out the window turning me from being a N/S & S/D to a heavily hitting the bottle stoner if the guys who answered my ad are anything to go by!
    Which leads me to ask you for some much needed etiquette advice.
    Do I need to reply to them all?
    If so can I do so by text?
    When is a good time to call the ones I am interested in meeting up with? In the AM are they getting ready for work and by the PM there’s the dodgy time you could call in the middle of dinner or possibly getting some shuteye! Should I dial at lunchtime?
    Can I afford voicemail at $35 every time an ad goes in and is answered…
    On the other hand I do have some advice for would be classified Cupids.
    1. Be warned the Telegraph charge $2.20 per minute to collect your voicemails and listen to the most drawn out how to, press zillions of keys system read by someone with a real slow voice.
    2. Of the 16 boys, men and OAPS who did leave a sweet message most of them sounded tired, ancient bewildered or all three. Guys this is your sale pitch not a deceased estate fire sale!
    3. Choose your words with care. My ‘big hearted bloke’ request was a red flag to every true blue Aussie battler. The word ‘crazy’ attracted time wasters. ‘Creative’ brought out the Rocky Balboa competitive streak in some. However, the must like dogs line was priceless. Nearly all of them opened up to this and relived their Old Yella moments.
    4. Personally I am looking for a man to take me to bed and not one I have to tuck in with Coco.
    5. So the most valuable tip I can offer is no matter how few the words you can choose specify the age group you are looking for.

  3. reality chick 9 years ago

    At January 24, 2008 7:42 PM , reality chick said…
    Ooh the phone message. I once racked up 15 – count 'em – attempts on my mobile phone greeting in that didn't make me sound a) clinically depressed; b)fake happy; c) abrupt and unfriendly. Hitting the right note is tough, but cliched as it sounds I think you've got to bash away at it until you sound, well, like YOURSELF. Don't speak too fast, keep your voice light and pleasant and keep it short… like, 'Hi, you've reached Funny Girl. Thanks for calling! Please leave a message and I'll get back to you very soon.'
    Or you could go for cute and crazy with something like, 'How scary is this personals palaver? Leave a message if you need a stiff drink or ten and Funny Girl may well join you. Cheers!'
    Keep me posted! x

  4. Funny Girl 9 years ago

    At January 24, 2008 5:01 PM , Funny Girl said…

    Dear RC,
    Thank you for the priceless advice on writing a classy classified – but now I really need your help.
    Because the next stage in the whole meet market newspaper biz is leaving a two-minute voicemail to attract would be beaus to leave their own scintillating ensnarement.
    Too chirpy – I could sound ditzy, too upbeat hmmm gym bunny on steroids, too calm – is this a complete stoner… You get my drift.
    Also the words themselves without the anagrams are proving a little tricky.
    Everything I've practiced sounds like I'm one step away from 'one time at band camp' or trying out for Ms World!

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