MANSWERS: How involved should I get my hubby in the baby-making process?

MANSWERS: How involved should I get my hubby in the baby-making process?

I‘ve started trying for a baby with my husband of three years, and he is on board with it, all is well etc etc. The trouble is, I have become a bit obsessed about tracking everything. I have an Ovuplan gadget that tests my saliva to find out when I’m ovulating. I pee on ovulation sticks. I check stringy mucous (sorry if that’s too much info) and I have even bought a fertility thermometer so I can track my temperature – apparently when it ‘spikes’ we’re good to go. The thing is, given we are in this together (and I’m finding the whole process of tracking the ‘signs’ quite interesting), I’d love to share the whole thing with him but a few friends with kids have sternly warned me to hide ALL paraphernalia, never tell him when I’m ovulating and just announce that I want to jump his bones (especially when it’s around The Time we should be doing it). What do you think? Hide the evidence, or lay it out and let him share in the journey? Amanda

Hide the evidence, I say. From what I’ve heard (and, ahem, experienced) I reckon most blokes are just stoked with the extra sex and THAT’S IT. Most guys don’t value the ‘journey’ quite as much as women do. Telling him all about it is akin to announcing that he’s no longer just your hot-to-trot love muffin BUT a convenient sperm bank as well, which may be a wee bit of a passion killer. I actually have a friend who involved her husband so much in their baby-making journey that he would break into a cold sweat whenever she held up a positive ovulation stick. Apparently their sex life is yet to recover even years after having children. So my advice is, make all that ovulation cycle tracking a strictly solo activity. Do it when he’s not around and hide your ovulation pee-sticks and fern-pattern licking gizmos somewhere your hubby won’t stumble on them. Ditto the thermometer and the flow charts. Don’t sign him up for any ‘Tips for Blokes Who Want to Knock Up Their Woman’ newsletters, however good your intentions. When it’s That Time To Shag, attack him with gusto, have fun doing it and try not to gush about how it’s the ‘perfect time to conceive’ – NOT sexy for a guy. Apparently.
In fact, the only paraphernalia you should consider showing your hubby is a pregnancy test with a ‘positive’ line on it, preferably tied to a magnum of champagne. After which you should rave about how clever he is and how supersonic his sperm is and how amazing it is that you have created the Miracle Of Life together. Trust me, it’s the only way.
Love, reality chick

Manswers Man BERNARD says… Amanda, I think it is wonderful that you and your hubby have started the journey and I too hope to start it with my partner too. However I suggest you stop it right there. Yes we want the baby, yes we want more nooky, but putting the science into it makes it too clinical. We don’t want to feel like sperm machines! We want to believe that our swimmers are strong and can make super babies! The details of how are not to be revealed to us! Men are pretty simple creatures, Amanda. For us its A-B-C – we don’t need to know the mechanics behind the machine. “Turn up naked bring beer!” is our thinking, basically. I wish you both the best of luck. Maybe wear his favourite footy jersey to bed and scream out his team’s name at time of climax. He will be raising the bat in no time.

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. Deb 8 years ago

    I suppose just asking your guy how much he wants to know about the whole process is not on? Wink at him, and ask ‘do you want to learn and know about why all the ins and outs, or just do the ins and outs sweetheart’? No pressure and it gives him a choice. Use your commonsense – is he one who will heartily get into a nitty gritty conversation about ‘women’s problems’ or ‘blood and guts of operations and diseases’ as examples, or does he go quiet and starts to mumble one word answers, then after a few minutes excuses himself and leaves, either red faced or green at the gills?

    • k 7 years ago

      This this this. My fiancé loved knowing everything as much as I did, and it never ruined the sex – we even did it on his oo-worker’s desk after hours just to make sure we got in the window.

      All what HE wants – he’s not a machine you can make decisions for.

  2. Melissa W 9 years ago

    Well it it necessary to make it about the tracking already? I mean can’t it be about the fun first? Fair enough if you have both tried to “make a baby for a while now” and its not working and you have done the “trek to the doctors” “lets talk about whats wrong” but you haven’t you have just begun! settle petal! Continue about your normal life, make sure you take care of your health and enjoy the process the old fashioned way, and then you can guarantee he will be interested!

  3. kitty 9 years ago

    I have to weigh in on this and say I don’t agree with either you or the manswer this week RC! I reckon, yes, involve your partner in all the nitty gritty….you’re in the baby making process together, so there’s no need to hide the ovulation kit, is there? All the mystery will be gone anyway when you start going to the OBGYN and during actual labour!

  4. Wacky 9 years ago

    I’d go halfway, ie not hide anything but tone down with the 50 ways to find out you’re ovulating! If you’re taking your temp every morning he’s going to notice so just tell him casually you’re tracking your cycle. Don’t tell him every nitty gritty thing you’re doing as by your own admission you’re a bit obsessed and he won’t get that level. But a part of him will be curious to know if his sperm can do the job so let him know when it’s time.
    This is the start of some very special teamwork so start as you mean to continue and best of luck!

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