I‘ve started trying for a baby with my husband of three years, and he is on board with it, all is well etc etc. The trouble is, I have become a bit obsessed about tracking everything. I have an Ovuplan gadget that tests my saliva to find out when I’m ovulating. I pee on ovulation sticks. I check stringy mucous (sorry if that’s too much info) and I have even bought a fertility thermometer so I can track my temperature – apparently when it ‘spikes’ we’re good to go. The thing is, given we are in this together (and I’m finding the whole process of tracking the ‘signs’ quite interesting), I’d love to share the whole thing with him but a few friends with kids have sternly warned me to hide ALL paraphernalia, never tell him when I’m ovulating and just announce that I want to jump his bones (especially when it’s around The Time we should be doing it). What do you think? Hide the evidence, or lay it out and let him share in the journey? Amanda
Hide the evidence, I say. From what I’ve heard (and, ahem, experienced) I reckon most blokes are just stoked with the extra sex and THAT’S IT. Most guys don’t value the ‘journey’ quite as much as women do. Telling him all about it is akin to announcing that he’s no longer just your hot-to-trot love muffin BUT a convenient sperm bank as well, which may be a wee bit of a passion killer. I actually have a friend who involved her husband so much in their baby-making journey that he would break into a cold sweat whenever she held up a positive ovulation stick. Apparently their sex life is yet to recover even years after having children. So my advice is, make all that ovulation cycle tracking a strictly solo activity. Do it when he’s not around and hide your ovulation pee-sticks and fern-pattern licking gizmos somewhere your hubby won’t stumble on them. Ditto the thermometer and the flow charts. Don’t sign him up for any ‘Tips for Blokes Who Want to Knock Up Their Woman’ newsletters, however good your intentions. When it’s That Time To Shag, attack him with gusto, have fun doing it and try not to gush about how it’s the ‘perfect time to conceive’ – NOT sexy for a guy. Apparently.
In fact, the only paraphernalia you should consider showing your hubby is a pregnancy test with a ‘positive’ line on it, preferably tied to a magnum of champagne. After which you should rave about how clever he is and how supersonic his sperm is and how amazing it is that you have created the Miracle Of Life together. Trust me, it’s the only way.
Love, reality chick
Manswers Man BERNARD says… Amanda, I think it is wonderful that you and your hubby have started the journey and I too hope to start it with my partner too. However I suggest you stop it right there. Yes we want the baby, yes we want more nooky, but putting the science into it makes it too clinical. We don’t want to feel like sperm machines! We want to believe that our swimmers are strong and can make super babies! The details of how are not to be revealed to us! Men are pretty simple creatures, Amanda. For us its A-B-C – we don’t need to know the mechanics behind the machine. “Turn up naked bring beer!” is our thinking, basically. I wish you both the best of luck. Maybe wear his favourite footy jersey to bed and scream out his team’s name at time of climax. He will be raising the bat in no time.