How long do I wait for him to deal with his inner turmoil?

How long do I wait for him to get over his inner turmoil?
How long do I wait for him to deal with his inner turmoil?

I met this guy online and ended up going out to a restaurant on our first date. Things went extraordinarly well. We talked and talked over the time the resturant had closed. He acted like he didn’t want to leave. He invited me up to his “cabin” for the next weekend. We ‘got’ each other, he was a gentleman, we mucked around but nothing more. The next weekend I saw him again and found out he’d split with his ex two months prior.  We ended up having sex. I went once more, than he went on a road trip on his motorcycle. We talked before he left and I expected to hear back when he returned.

We had a couple of texts after he returned; I asked how his trip was and he didn’t answer for a couple days. I sent another saying all I wanted was honesty and he texted that he was “freaking out” over his breakup, didn’t mean to be disrespectful  to me, but said he had to go away on his motorcycle solo to work on his inner turmoil. He came back later and said he would call but we never ended up talking. He said we could talk when he was more grounded. I sent another text saying the same thing, that I just want the truth and that I’m woman enough to deserve it considering the things we said, things we planned to do together, etc. He said he really liked me and that was a good start.

I’m trying to have patience and have texted ones asking how his inner turmoil was coming along … and asked if he was getting back with his ex, and there’s been nothing. It’s been over two months without a word. He’s really into high-risk sports and I know he’s probably busy doing his activities but I feel very strongly for this guy. Someone I’ve been looking for all my life. I so very much want to see him again and talk. What do you think the chances are that eventually he’ll contact me?  He just does not seem like the guy that would let this go and never contact me. I know he just needs more time. But how long?  How hard is it to send a simple text saying he’s not interested or ANYTHING. WHY??  I would wait for a long time for him. He’s worth it. Cori

He’s not worth it, Cori. And he’s not interested. Here’s my take on the situation: he was just out of a long-term thing, wanted to get his rocks off and manipulated you into it by romancing you and being the perfect gentleman and making you feel like he ‘got you’ and that you maybe had a future together. So he basically talked you into bed a few times, then bailed. Kinda textbook.

Now, most women would wear two weeks of his post-sex ducking and weaving and excuse-making before thinking, ‘What an utter douche-bag!’ and hopping back online to set up some coffee dates with new blokes. But he did such a number on you that you sat there for two MONTHS patiently waiting for him to get over his ‘inner turmoil’. He, meanwhile, has actually just been on some blokey Easy Rider-style road trips and doing lots of extreme sports and no doubt shagging a heap of other women he’s met along the way. I’d put money on it, actually, because that’s what most dudes two months out of a break-up do.

I’m not saying it’s right. He’s a dick for not being straight with you. But that’s how dating goes. If you had a few dates with someone and then they go cold and don’t text you, you can’t twiddle your thumbs for months assuming you’re still top of their radar, they’ve just got other shit on. No. All you can do chalk it up to a learning experience, harden up and move the hell on. Which I urge you to do, because he and this entire situation really don’t deserve any more of your energy.

Love, reality chick

Modern Dad PagesLife with Baby Kicks

Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

6 Comments

  1. Move on 2 years ago

    Aww I want to give you a hug and some chocolate and tell you NEXT!

    I have come to the following conclusion about men …. If they are interested in a woman absolutely NOTHING stops them. Nothing. If you chained them up to the hills hoist in the backyard they would sit and wittle away at the chain to get to you. Date a chain breaker. Nothing less. Don’t text back? Skip em! An interested man has held his phone and paced back and forth for 5 hours wondering if its too soon to message you. Don’t waste time and energy on men who aren’t interested enough to use a smart phone. (Ps a man two months out of a long term relationship
    Isnt ready for another….)

    • Author

      Ain’t that the truth!!! My hubby wooed me for months from 19,000km away so when they’re keen, you just KNOW IT 🙂

  2. Danie 2 years ago

    “He, meanwhile, has actually just been on some blokey Easy Rider-style road trips and doing lots of extreme sports and no doubt shagging a heap of other women he’s met along the way. I’d put money on it, actually, because that’s what most dudes two months out of a break-up do”
    This 100%!

    Loving what I’ve seen so far. Thanks for stopping by NoHumdrumMum ❤️ #effitfriday

    • Author

      Thanks Danie! It IS so true isn’t it? Sometimes you need someone completely unconnected with the situation to go, ah, THIS is actually the score. What you can’t see yourself 🙂

  3. Lisa 2 years ago

    I’m kind of weirded out by this guy being online while still in a relationship. Is anything he says true? Or is a just a sociopath who knows how to charm?

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