How long should I put up with her commitment-phobic monkey business?

How long should I put up with her commitment-phobic monkey business?
How long should I put up with her commitment phobic monkey business?

I’ve been dating a commitment phobic for two years plus and she’s still at the on again off again, I need space, struggles to accept me in a ‘relationship’ stage. It’s confusing and not rewarding.

I feel she’s like a dementor and has sucked all the happiness out of me in regards to whatever it was we had. Is it time to move on and/or tell her to sort her anxieties out with professional help and not see her until she does? BTW just bought your book 😉 Canis

Aw thanks Canis! Hope you find it a good read. Re your dilemma, well it’s my favourite type of question; one that answers it’s own question.  It’s so true what you say – it’s just all too easy to kill a relationship dead with indecision and endless, pick-apart analysis. It may be fine for the commitment phobic person to drag their feet while they decide if it’s right or not, but at some point it becomes really unfair to the other person, who’s in love and in it with both feet. You have the patience of a saint, my friend, but it’s not meant to be this hard. And anxieties or not, your girlfriend has taken the piss for long enough.

Of course you can slap an ultimatum on the table, suggest professional help and tell her you’ll be waiting if she sorts her shit out – but really, do you have it in you to twiddle your thumbs and wait even longer for that to happen / not happen? If I were you, I’d just chalk this up to one of those not-quite-right couplings and make the call for both of you that it’s over. There’s a silver lining to the endless joy-sucking limbo you’ve endured though, which is that you’ll have far less patience for this kind of thing in the future. You’ll just sense that something’s not quite right and get the hell out of dodge before either of you get attached. And my prediction is, it probably won’t take you too long to meet the type of women who don’t need two years to decide whether they like you enough for a relationship or not.

Love, reality chick 

Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


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