My girlfriend and I are both 35 and have been living together 3 years. At first we had heaps of fun but the last 18 months have been hard because she clearly wants a kid. She turns most conversations around to babies, rubber-necks into every pram when we’re walking down the street and makes sure we are hanging out with a lot more of her friends and their children.
I’m not dumb to her tactics but it’s pushing me the other way if anything. I’ve realised I like my life and kids don’t factor into it and the older I get the more I’m sure I won’t change my mind. I have gone along with her hints to a point hoping she’ll just get sick of the idea and go back to the girl I used to love but it’s not happening. Mark
Hmmm. Let’s begin at the end: you wish your partner of three years would go back to being the girl you ‘used to love’. She’s hoping YOU’LL turn into a clucky, wannabe dad. Happy times. One thing’s for sure, Mark: there ain’t no going back for women who’ve heeded the call of their biological clock. Firstly, her ovaries are on high alert, reminding her – especially when prams or Other People’s Children go by – that she is squandering the decreasing window of baby-making opportunities. At 35, most women know they’ve got to get their skates on both for health and fertility reasons and I’m guessing that nothing is as important to her as GETTING STARTED. She wants a baby, she wants it bad and chances are she wants you to play dad.
You say you’ve ‘gone along with it to a point’. I’m guess that means you’ve indulged her dreams – either by not doing the bolt for the door when she opens the latest issue of Mother and Baby, or by not being honest about what you really want. Of course, you could bumble along for another few years ignoring her hints; while she makes yet another unspoken I’ll-give-him-six-more-months deal with her ovaries (all the while fantasising about chucking her birth control down the loo). But please, get real. You may change your mind, you may not – Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS) says around half of people who don’t want kids end up changing their mind – but unfortunately your girlfriend doesn’t have the years to give you while you fence-sit and figure it out. If you were both in your 20s, no problem. But mid-thirties, all bets are off. It’s no one’s fault that you guys have reached this impasse. But you can’t really pretend you haven’t.
You need to sit down and thrash it out with your girlfriend, which could end with moving on. But it’ll free you to live the life you want, and her to find a guy who does want to be a dad. Breaking up because you want different things will be easier than breaking up in a screaming shit-fit because she’s 39 and hates you for wasting her time and her fertile years. I’m just sayin’.
Love, reality chick