I‘ve NOT met someone on Twitter. We have done the twitting, the DM and now email. He does the “retweet” of some of my inane verbal diarrhea. From what I can work out we might have stuff in common but it’s the meeting that is proving to be impossible? How long before I throw my hands up in horror? I don’t want to be aggressive as I don’t feel that is in my nature and really it’s his job to initiate. I’ve not been in this situation for close to 7 years and any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Tah. Gilliy
Your question is so weird and well-timed… because I’m heading to a Flirtexting seminar soon, which I’m guessing would deal with all of this kind of stuff. My thoughts anyway on your sitch? You’ve tweeted, messaged and emailed each other and you like this guy. If he’s taking the time to email, and to retweet your stuff, then chances are he likes you back, or digs your humour, at the very least. Have you discussed your real lives in any detail? Do you know whether he lives with a flatmate / cat / spouse? Because that’s the first thing that springs to my mind about what’s taking him so long to ask you out for real. If he’s taken and not telling you, or being vague about his relationship status, then he’s just a big fat flirt, really. The other alternative is that he’s really shy and just not comfortable taking that leap from the Twittersphere to a real, face-to-face meeting. Maybe he’s waiting for a clear signal from you before he puts his heart on the virtual line, so to speak. Not to generalise, but I hear over and over that men respond better to directness, rather than waffly, I-like-you-do-you-like-me mixed signals. Not that I’m saying that’s what you’re putting out, but it’s something to consider.
It sounds like you’ve been out of the dating game for a longish time, and I know it can be daunting putting your oar back in the river of lurve. I get you on the initiation thing, and letting him make the move. I am a bit of a traditionalist myself, but it goes both ways these days. Although you might not want to go as heavy-handed on Twirting as Demi Moore and Ashton, there’s nothing wrong with letting this guy know where you stand, while still making it clear you’d like him to do the asking. Do you ever go to any of those Twitter get-togethers? That might be a no-pressure suggestion you could throw out there. You could also say, ‘Hey, it’d be cool to go for a drink or coffee to discuss your views on X,Y,Z! Let me know if you’re up for that’ – which leaves the ball well and truly in his court. It’s direct, a little bit assertive, but not aggressive. Agressive would be something along the lines of: ‘Dude, what’s the hold-up? You ever going to ask me out or what?’
If you do throw out a casual, ‘Let’s get together’ invite and he ignores it, or hedges, or says ‘Sure!’ but then seems to avoid setting an actual date and time, you’ve got your answer. He’s either a) taken, or b) more comfortable leaving your communiques in the virtual realm rather than the real world. But don’t let my worst case scenario what-if’s stop you – he might say yes! He might say, ‘OMG I thought you’d never ask!’ Fortune favours the brave, Gilliy, so my advice is give the situation a nudge, and see what evolves. Good luck, and don’t forget to let me know what happens!
Love, reality chick