My husband was Mr Politeness when we met, but now we’re married he seems to think it’s totally fine to burp and fart in front of me whenever he feels the need. I find it a massive turn-off, but he just tells me I should feel free to let it all hang out myself. All for Restraint
I feel your pain. There’s a definite mourning period in most relationships when you move from the ‘oops, terribly sorry’ post-farting stage to a bottom burp free-for-all. But, when you consider most people fart on average 14 times a day, you shouldn’t have to be privy to ALL his backdoor trumpet performances. My solutions – not necessarily in this order – would be to recondition him over time. This might involve changing his diet, creating a ‘fart jar’ (which works like the swearing jar but for farts), or buying him a butt-plug as a joke. Maybe, slowly, he’ll be shamed into holding it in more often, or leaving the room if he knows he’s brewing a particularly silent-but-violent offering. The other option, although you may not fancy this, is to beat him at his own game and just let your own farts out at will. Start this evening. Friday night on the couch watching Better Homes and Gardens will be infinitely more interesting if the two of you engage in a bit of a fart-off. Add the odd burp in there if you like. Perhaps engage in a little underpants-rearranging. And if that doesn’t inspire him to rethink his ‘let it all hang out’ policy, you might just have live with it and resolve to leave the room a lot.
Love, reality chick