How to stop husband farting and burping at will?

How to stop husband farting and burping at will?

My husband was Mr Politeness when we met, but now we’re married he seems to think it’s totally fine to burp and fart in front of me whenever he feels the need. I find it a massive turn-off, but he just tells me I should feel free to let it all hang out myself. All for Restraint

I feel your pain. There’s a definite mourning period in most relationships when you move from the ‘oops, terribly sorry’ post-farting stage to a bottom burp free-for-all. But, when you consider most people fart on average 14 times a day, you shouldn’t have to be privy to ALL his backdoor trumpet performances. My solutions – not necessarily in this order – would be to recondition him over time. This might involve changing his diet, creating a ‘fart jar’ (which works like the swearing jar but for farts), or buying him a butt-plug as a joke. Maybe, slowly, he’ll be shamed into holding it in more often, or leaving the room if he knows he’s brewing a particularly silent-but-violent offering. The other option, although you may not fancy this, is to beat him at his own game and just let your own farts out at will. Start this evening. Friday night on the couch watching Better Homes and Gardens will be infinitely more interesting if the two of you engage in a bit of a fart-off. Add the odd burp in there if you like. Perhaps engage in a little underpants-rearranging. And if that doesn’t inspire him to rethink his ‘let it all hang out’ policy, you might just have live with it and resolve to leave the room a lot.
Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

3 Comments

  1. kt 9 years ago

    Alas, it is one of those mysterious afflictions that the doctors can not work out. There are pages of forums on the net dedicated to us sufferers, so if any millionaires are reading this please dedicate some of your millions into the research of digestive disorders!

  2. Author
    reality chick 9 years ago

    Hehe. Thanks KT. That’s so funny – never heard of not being able to burp!!

  3. kt 9 years ago

    Burping is gold! I’d do anything to be able to burp (I have digestive problems where I can’t burp). As for farting, well it’s better out than in, so doesn’t bother me at all!

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