QUICKIES: Hurt by ex moving on | Not loving your lady bits | Sexting | PMT

QUICKIES: Hurt by ex moving on | Not loving your lady bits | Sexting | PMT

In our latest quickies update, we counsel a woman heartbroken to hear her ex’s new girlfriend is pregnant, and another who’s become self-concious about how she looks ‘downtown’ after watching porn with her boyfriend. We also delve into the tricky conundrum of dating a friend’s ex, sexting, and what to do when your PMT is off the charts (and affecting those around you). Got a question that you’d like us to take a crack at? Drop a line to us in the Question Box and we’ll get right to it.

So hurt by ex moving on 
My ex and I split a year ago, after five years. I just learned that his new girlfriend is expecting a baby. We were all social media work ‘buddies’ before this and still have to be in contact professionally. But I am so hurt and unsure how to act and I know my reaction will be scrutinized by everyone who knows us.

What an awful situation. Sometimes the social media landscape feels like a big party; other times a bitchy high school playground, so it can be hard knowing how to play it. Beverly Hills housewife Camille Grammar’s recent move – announcing via Twitter that she wished ex Kelsey and his pregnant wife Kayte all the best – was an elegant one. So whether you acknowledge your ex’s news, or adopt ‘silence is golden’ as your mantra, do it with class. Hold your head high. And never, ever drink and tweet.

Not loving my lady bits
I’m 22 and dating my first serious boyfriend. He suggested we watch porn for a bit of fun and it has made me hugely self-conscious about my lady parts. I won’t go into detail but they’re VERY different from the neat and tidy porn star parts I see. I no longer ‘see stars’ during sex and it drives my boy nuts. Help!

So. You watched porn, it made you feel inadequate, and now the Big O has gone AWOL. Whew. That’s crazy. Why? Because your boy seems to genuinely CARE about whether you have fun in bed or not. He’s not scrutinising your woo-woo and seeing if it matches up in size, shape, color or hairiness to some porn star he’s checked out. He’s just lost in the moment, thinks you and your lady parts are beautiful, and wants you to think so, too. Did we mention confidence is possibly the sexiest thing about a girl? Time to reclaim yours, Delia!

OK to date my friend’s ex?
What’s the etiquette around dating your friend’s long-ago ex-boyfriend? Like, if they went out four-plus years ago, is that cool? My friend hates her ex, but I really click with him.

Some people get very antsy about their exes. If she hates him, she probably doesn’t want him back in her social orbit, which will almost certainly occur if you guys start dating. Then there’s the whole unofficial exes-are-off-limits mantra many live by. It’s a hard one, wanting to follow your heart but not upset a good friend. Have the difficult conversation with her first, gauge her feelings, then weigh up the pros and cons before diving into this murky little conundrum. Risking the friendship might not be worth it, just quietly.

Should I sext him?
My newish boyfriend is desperate for me to ‘sext’ him. We live about an hour’s drive away from each other, so I do think it would be a fun thing to do to keep the lust going. Except – I’m worried about getting myself in trouble with naughty pics. Do I trust him with my sexts? Louise

Sexting is fun foreplay if you’re consenting adults wanting to spice things up a little. But there’s a few guidelines to make sure if the trust is broken you don’t wind up on a dodgy website. 1. Don’t sext unless you know it will be received enthusiastically. 2. Make sure it’s the right time (i.e. not while he’s at his niece’s christening). 3. If you take a photo, make sure your face can’t be identified. 4. Only send a message if you’re completely comfortable with what’s in it. Other than that – have fun!

My PMT is killing my relationship
I’m not one of those girls who gets offended when her boyfriend says, ‘Is it that time of the month?’ because mine only says it during that week of the month when I am acting insane. I know I’m doing it but can’t stop. He is sick of it, can’t cope with me during that time and I don’t want to lose him due to my hormones! Help.

About 80 percent of women experience PMS, ranging from mild to the kind that makes life a living hell (both for the woman in its grip and those around her). Evidence shows that exercise can help with symptoms as well as Vitamin B6, Vitamin E, calcium and magnesium supplements. The jury’s still out on evening primrose oil, but many women swear by it for alleviating monthly mood swings. If all else fails, chart when it’s coming (like you would a storm warning), and give your guy a heads up.

~ As seen in NW Magazine

Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


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