I can’t talk dirty without cracking up

I can’t talk dirty without cracking up
I have a very embarrassing problem. Basically I’ve been seeing this guy for 7 months now. He’s wicked, we have a great time together, all’s great, I’m in love but he keeps trying to get me to talk dirty to him and I am crap at it. I don’t mind him doing it but I often laugh cos I don’t have a clue what to say back and this pisses him off, I’m sure he must be getting bored with my lame attempts. Help! Want to be Dirty, But…
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For many people, verbal seduction belongs in the not-for-me basket – and if that’s you, your guy should hear that straight up and respect it. But it sounds to me like you’d be sorted with a few vocab tips… and while I’ve never gone down the saucy chatroom route myself (Brownie’s honour, I swear), logging on to one and eavesdropping on the likes of Nancy NoClothes, Ben Dover and Hank E Pankie swapping sweet nothings may give you some choice phrases to try out on your guy. If that idea bites, I also interviewed a sex line worker years ago, and she said as a rule of thumb male callers generally wanted to know the following: a) they have the BIGGEST package you’ve ever seen, b) you want their BIG, throbbing pocket rocket all the time and twice on Sundays and c) you want it in whatever way they want to give it to you whether that’s upside down, hanging over the bed, on the couch, on the floor, in the tub, in the car, up against the mini-bar, and so on –  just ask Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon. Sure, sex can be scary and awkward, especially when you’re trying new stuff, but if you’re with a guy you love, stepping out of your comfort zone can really be worth it. So swallow your fears, talk about what kinds of things turn you both on – maybe after a few drinks (or over email, for the ultimate saucy icebreaker), then just give it a whirl – without laughing! I’m sure in no time you’ll be the dirtiest-talking dudette this side of the moon, more than able to whip your boy into a hot, throbbing, panting pile of… well, you get the drift.
Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

1 Comment

  1. ant 11 years ago

    Suggestive text messages can also get the ball rolling 🙂

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