Ibroke up with my boyfriend about six months ago. We stayed good friends, hung out a lot, talked every day – and have been sleeping together every now and again while also dating other people. But then he became obsessed about another woman he was seeing and was constantly asking my advice. It was stressing me out – not sure if it was from actual stress or maybe a little jealousy?
Anyway. We had a few arguments because I’m sick of advising him and watching him do the opposite. I’ve also got a lot going on in my life, so I told him to stay away from me and I totally cut contact. I know it’s the right thing to do and that I can’t be in a relationship with him again. But I can’t stop thinking about him, even when I’m with other guys I think about him. I’m a smart girl, and usually very decisive and headstrong but this has got me really messed up. I haven’t spoken to him in six days and it feels like months! I find myself looking him up online, and I’m dying to call him but have to stop myself. It’s making me really unhappy. What do I do? Messed Up
I‘m going to call a spade a spade: you’re still in love with your ex. Dang. It happens. Even to headstrong, desisive and smart women like you. The problem here as I see it, is that you didn’t make a clean break after your break-up. The staying of good friends is all very well, but often it leads to to the inserting of penises and other things true friends (not friends with benefits) usually don’t get up to in their time together. The stressing out and the relentless thinking about him is totally normal.
I can’t advise you to make amends and bring this man back into your life. What I can do is affirm your actions. GIRL, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING x 1000. Cutting ties is the only answer to the arguments and the jealousy. What you have to do now (and it’s the hardest, hardest thing) is to stick to your guns. Six days of no contact might seem like a lifetime now, but in a year or two, you might not even think about him for weeks at a time. You will certainly not feel the urge to pick up the phone and you’ll sigh with relief when you remember how crazycakes this guy made you feel and how narrow your escape was. In the meantime, keep extremely busy, plan lots of fun things with your friends, delete his number from your phone and maybe check into a little counselling to talk through some of the more urgent and unsettling feelings you are having.
Love, reality chick