I don’t want to cheat on my wife, but …

I don’t want to cheat on my wife, but …

i don't want to cheatI totally love my wife. She is the best. Beautiful, smart, everything – and the sex is great. I have never and will never cheat on her, I just love her too much. The problem is that nowadays, women are so hot and very proactive – and though I won’t do anything, the desire is strong. Like a lion over a gazelle. Is this normal? Eduardo

Dearie me. What’s a married man to do, with hot, proactive women hitting on him constantly? You must tremble just at the thought of leaving the house. Don’t look to me for a permission slip, though, buddy. Basically, you’re a bloke with a big ego and an even bigger libido – nothing unusual there – and it’s all about how you cope with both that counts.

Bottom line? You love your wife, you don’t want to lose her – and it sounds like if you cheat, it’s all over. So don’t put yourself in situations where you’ll be tempted (so strip clubs are out), don’t kid yourself into thinking that every hottie who crosses your path wants to jump your bones (they don’t) and above all else, stop likening yourself to a wild animal with zero impulse control (you’re not a lion, and this isn’t a David Attenborough documentary). Humans have choices, and if monogamy’s the bedrock of your marriage, you have to weigh up whether giving in to a moment of lust is worth losing everything you love. Frankly, if you dither for more than 5 seconds over that answer, you and your wife may need greater help than I can give you.

Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. Michael 8 years ago

    I think your advice is sound but it’s so amazingly condescending that if I were employing you I would fire you based on this response. You lack all bedside manners and decorum. I’m appalled that people like you are able to dispatch “help” to people with real problems. This person is reaching out for help based on instinctual, natural urges for which you just reprimanded him. All men and women have wandering eyes and instead of validating him and helping him you just belittled and humiliated him.

    Extremely low class. Will not be reading anything else you have to say.

  2. Cyndie 8 years ago

    I love your response Reality Chick and the comments here are great. The topic of cheating is very cultural I find. In France for example it is common practice from both ends but a very private topic indeed. It’s nobody’s business if Eduardo feels like many women are attracted to him. It’s good for his self-esteem and probably at the end makes him a happier man. Who knows, maybe his wife feels the same way, attracted to other hot men. I am NOT saying that they should cheat on each other, but a little flirt is healthy and a great confidence boost. Again. It’s cultural. Nobody is perfect, we are all humans and as long as YOU are not personally hurt in the process then mind your own business.

  3. Dude 8 years ago

    Men have such big egos. Im sick of xsome guys being massive perverts and thinking they can “get” with any woman… YOU CAN’T! It’s especially annoying when older men do it, or those than are in a relationship. Men who are arrogant, slefish and think they’re “god’s gift to women” are ridiculous. I bet none of those good-looking women are actually interested in you. There are ZERO excuses for cheating, and yes I think it does make you a bad person if you do it. I feel bad for this man’s wife, she could do better. He sounds like an idiot and if he does cheat then he really is one. Some guys are just pathetic…

  4. Billy Barnes 9 years ago

    I find it hard to believe someone would ask that question really.
    If you love your wife and are completely satisfied I think there may be an imbalance somewhere.
    Not as a joke he should check into something like citlophram. A simple imbalance can really throw someone out of whack.

  5. Leanne 9 years ago

    uuuugghhhh men like Eduardo really are dellusional are they!! I was with a guy once who indicated on more than one occasion that he missed the single life and although he loved me and our relationship he missed the thrill of the one nighters.
    I had to point out that he needed a serious reality check, that these days his ‘game’ was seriously lacking (not that he ever had it in the first place), he would struggle to pull a muscle in a club these days, never mind a young hotty- he was balding, short and about 20kgs over-weight, with absolutely no dress sense.
    Tell him he’s dreamin’ !

  6. Lola 9 years ago

    Bron is a legend!! What else is there to add?
    Now, Eduardo, do you happen to be a celebrity or something like that? Possibly you’re more of a “decommissioned” alpha male who can fantasise big time. Go on fantasising; it’s healthy and cheap. But fantasies are a world unto themselves, and no self-respecting woman will go to bed with a married man. Some idiot said once that the best pick-up line is “I’m married”… In his dreams!

  7. bron 9 years ago

    Believe it or not, most women have no interest in sleeping with a married man.

    Believe it or not, we have self control and standards.

    Believe it or not, a woman smiling at you or glancing in your general direction does not mean they want to have sex with you.

    Believe it or not, you’re not doing your wife a favour by not cheating on her (even though you are clearly thinking about it) she’s doing you a favour by letting you anywhere near her.

    Believe it or not, i wouldn’t touch you with a barge pole – or anything else. So this proactive woman is actively saying NO WAY IN HELL.

    So one less for you to worry about.

    Oh and put that ego back in your pocket with your hand…….

    • Kate 9 years ago

      Bron, you are so damn awesome.

  8. GG 9 years ago

    RC I could not agree with you more – this guy needs to exercise some restraint! Whilst I understand that sometimes staying monogamous CAN be a challenge, nothing worth doing was ever easy. if you want to have a long, successful and happy marriage, you can’t be running around chasing every bird who comes your way!

  9. B 9 years ago

    Wow. Eduardo’s wife better not be reading this. Why is a douchebag like this even married in the first place?

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