I like a guy at work – how to approach him for a date?

I like a guy at work – how to approach him for a date?

So there is this guy who I see on work errands on a weekly basis. At first we didn’t talk but he did look my way a lot. To begin with I was happy being single so I didn’t think anything of it. But I find that the more I see him, the more interested I become. It seems like he’s sending me positive messages: eye contact, smile, greetings. But you know how girls are when it comes to guys sending “messages”. We can sometimes be way off base. At the workplace, there really isn’t a chance for a conversation unless I get to talk to him directly, but he’ll still throw a hello my way. I find that I’m becoming really interested in him but I just don’t know the best way to approach this. I wouldn’t mind putting it all on the line and asking him out but the question is: WHAT exactly do I say? And HOW do I say it? Blanche

This is the trickiest part of any dating stage – ‘The Approach’. Sitting back and waiting for the work hottie to whisk you into the stationary closet and lavish you with kisses, simply isn’t realistic. And it sounds like you will have to make that crucial first move. Because you see each other in a professional setting, you have to be prepared to shake it off if he already has a partner or is more keen for a friendship that a relationship. But from the sounds of his eye contact and smiley hello’s, he may well be as keen as you are. Suggest something very low key and friendly to begin with. What do you say? Simply ask him if he’s busy on his lunchbreak (assuming you work near each other) or after work. If he says he’s free, then suggest heading down to the local cafe for a quick bite or the pub for a beer if it’s after hours. Even if he can’t make it, you’ve swung the door open and made it clear you’d like to get to know him better outside of the work environment. Don’t make a big deal of it. Just meet up and see what happens.
Keeping it casual means you can do some re-con while you’re at it. Firstly, find out if he’s single. ‘So, do you live with anyone? Are you married?’ are good questions. If he is available, get in there and flirt a little. Mention a movie, band or show you’re dying to see, and give him a good opportunity to jump in and suggest going together. As the date winds up, say it was nice getting to know him better, and you should do it again. This gives him another great chance to jump in and take the lead. If everything seems to be progressing well, up the ante and invite him for a proper fun first date or a group date with your friends. A quick email is a good way to do this if you don’t have the guts to do it face-to-face.
Need some more encouragement? “Men find it refreshing when a female asks them out,” so says Rhonda Findling, psychotherapist and author of The Dating Cure. “Beyond that, it’s empowering for the woman.” Too right Rhonda. Good luck, and let us know how you go!
Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

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