I love my boyfriend, but he won’t stop Facebook stalking me

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. Throughout our relationship we have had our ups and downs but we always worked through things and talked them out. Things started going downhill when I studied abroad in Florence, Italy. In the beginning things were fine but as time went on he became more clingy, tagging me in Facebook posts all the time, getting upset if I didn’t message him right away or Skype him every day for three hours, and leaving awkward comments my friends’ walls. He also became really jealous and possessive to the point where he would look at old photos of me (before we even met) with guys ( most of which who are friends) and get upset and jealous. I love him and I care deeply for him but his behaviour is really pushing me over the edge. It doesn’t help that we are two different people with two completely different backgrounds. He loves me and talks about a future together (marriage , kids etc). Sometimes when he speaks about marriage and a life together it feels comforting and I can imagine us together. Other times it feels repressive and I feel trapped. I don’t know what to do. I go back and forth between feeling like I want to break up and wanting to stay with him. Should I wait until I get back before making any decisions or should I just end things with him now? Help. Tayla

I‘ll make this crystal clear Tayla. BREAK. UP. WITH. HIM. NOW. Don’t wait. Don’t second guess your gut instinct. The conflicted feelings you’re having are there for a reason. Aside from the worrisome jealousy and neediness (and borderline stalking behavior) you guys just don’t seem like a good fit. He’s clingy, you’re into overseas travel and independence. He’s talking kids and a white picket fence, and well, you require a paper bag to breathe into. Ups and downs are okay in any relationship – they’re healthy and normal. But when you feel like you’re different people who want different things from life, then it’s time to call time out. Don’t feel too bad for him. It’ll hurt. He may try very, very hard to get you to change your mind and stay together (be strong, take him off your Facebook). You’ll both require some serious TLC and time out, and the holidays are great for this, so bunker down with your family and best friends. Ultimately, reading between the lines of your letter, I think it’s what you want, too – and it’ll be for the best.
Love, reality chick


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About the author:

Reality Chick is written by Rachel Smith, a Sydney journalist and advice columnist whose other hats include running media recruitment and connections website Rachel's List and the quietly addictive Letter To My Ex. She never has the right shoes for any given occasion, but she can sort out your love life in three paragraphs flat. So go on, ask a question. Follow her on Twitter / Facebook.

2 comments on “I love my boyfriend, but he won’t stop Facebook stalking me

  1. Oh, I think that’s a bit harsh…he might just need a bit of reassurance (or a “you behaving like a lunatic is offputting and I’ll break up with you if you don’t man up” type of talk). Think about what he’s going through…he’s clearly suffering. But if his jealousy does become controlling, then yep, make the break – he needs a wake-up call. Good luck.

  2. Borderline – that’s exactly the word! Unless you enjoy mind-on-the-edge craziness and loss of self (Lola, they’re exactly the same), ditch the guy. In the meantime, enjoy Florence :-)

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