MANSWERS: I love my vibrator, but I’m not sure if my man will…

MANSWERS: I love my vibrator, but I’m not sure if my man will…

How do guys feel about vibrators? Sometimes I need a little extra than my man, but I’m worried he will get upset and take it the wrong way if I pull it out while he’s around? Should I just keep it a secret? Anon

Manswers Man PhilG says … There needs to be a net gain for your guy if you want to pull out the silicon and obviously the BIG issue here is indimidation. It might be a good idea to broach it first, maybe when you’re out alone together and partaking in alcohol. Bend the convo to sex and  bring up the topic to see where it goes from there. If you’re at the next phase – ie, of introducing him to your rubber friend, it’s all about your approach. Slapping it down on the kitchen table isn’t a great idea. Slipping it out from under the pillow and showing him how it works  – well, chances are he’ll get into it, especially if it is one of those fancy ones with speed rotation and throb control; you know what guys are like with gadgets! Just a word of caution: if your vibrator is massive he may bawk unless he is heavily overcompensated in the undie region. Save the big ones for your solo session, maybe?”

Manswers Man Bernard says… “If you know how to use a vibrator as a sexual aide it can be an amazing weapon of choice. I usually find that  the best way to go about this is to go couples shopping so your toys are seen as tools for fun for both of you. Also, there are vibrators and  there are vibrators. The bullets can be a great warmer upper and can help your partner get really stimulated. Any tickler can be a great tool while you are penetrating yourself. Also we guys might need a break during rounds so the vibrator can act as a second man off-the-reserve-bench. I think if you both own it it can add a dimension to your love making that goes from pretty good to fucking awesome!”

Manswers Man Dr Phil says…How do men feel about vibrators? For the most part I think they feel great about it (as long as it’s not being used on him – although I speak for myself here). I understand your fear; a bloke might feel deficient if he finds out about extra curricular activities, but then again blokes, ahem, take care of themselves any chance they get so if he’s going to have a go at you for going solo when he’s not around, he’d probably be a bit of a hypocrite! As for pulling out a vibrator literally in front of him, tread carefully here …  again there’s a possibility that he might feel ‘What – I’m not good enough?’ but on the other hand it could well be a turn-on and an enhancement during a mutual session. So go for it.”

Manswers Man Mr E says…No matter how great a lover any of us are, I’m yet to hear from anyone who doesn’t like toys in the bedroom. You shouldn’t feel you have to hide it – I reckon most guys now believe they are standard issue accessories and unless he’s living in a bubble I doubt he’ll be shocked. When introducing toys of any kind in the bedroom the key is to make sure that your partner feels that it’s more than just something to get you off – but rather something that they can use to bring you immense pleasure and as such he’ll be grateful for the assistance.  Leave it under the pillow or next to the bed so that he can see it without you having to point it out, if you feel comfortable then he will too. My advice though – if he feels left out then his pride might take a hit, but as long as you are not reaching for the vibrator first and him second, I think you’ll be fine. Good luck.”

Manswers Man Timmy says… “Look, I’d probably advise you broach the subject first, during a saucy, Chardonnay-fuelled conversation, rather than whipping it out while he’s going his hardest, lapping away like a thirsty labrador. Test the waters gently. If he seems at all reticent, I’d keep it as a private buzz.”

 
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RC Question Box! (Questions may be edited.)
Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

6 Comments

  1. Lew Banelis 8 years ago

    I might be worried a little,because I’ve heard that using a vibrator
    a lot to reach orgasm,has a tendency to become the preferred way
    to come for a lot of women. I’ve no statistics on this,just anectdotes
    about it. It would be ego deflating to have to compete with a sex toy
    for orgasmic abilities.

    • Peter 7 years ago

      Lew youare right about this heres a bit off a stydy 2009 how vibrator use off womans:
      Schick sayes that, “Women who enjoy vibrators during masturbation would also potentially enjoy using one with a partner. So, when vibrators are not incorporated into their partnered activities, it is that women compare the non-vibrator partnered experiences to their private vibrator use and are less satisfied with the experience as a result.” Meaning the vibrator gives them a much better orgasm then their lovers. Therfore they whant to work it in to their lovmaking. But do you think they will admit that? No way.

  2. Amelia 9 years ago

    I’m with Lola on this one… have never pulled out my vibrator in front of my partner and we’ve been together for five years. Don’t think he even knows that I have one! We have an awesome sex life that just gets better and maybe we will introduce toys at some stage but at the moment we’re quite happy swinging from the chandeliers without anything requiring batteries. Maybe we’re weird? Who cares.

  3. Lola 9 years ago

    Neil has a point, and I’d say it’s full of that good ol’friend Common Sense 🙂
    Suzie, you legend! I would have probably run away, not because of the toy (CERTAINLY NOT!) but because of the level of in-your-faceness your guy showed in the first place.
    I’m going to advocate a different view, which I could well define as the area of private pleasures. Notice I use the word ‘private’ and not ‘secret’. Why should we ‘bare all’? Possibly a bit of spice on the side could also enhance fantasy and imagination ‘a deux’. Just a thought.

  4. Neil Duckett 9 years ago

    It would probably help to use a vibrator that is the least intimidating to the guy, something that hasn’t a phaluc appearance. Using an external vibrator so the male can still provide the penetrative part of intercourse is also a good idea for those guys thinking they’re getting done out of a job.

  5. suzie 9 years ago

    I had the oposite problem. A guy I was seeing pulled out a vibrator very early on in the peice like the first time we had sex ! I was a little taken aback I must say as I didnt feel I knew him well enough, and felt that I owed him a performance. In my eyes it made him a bit of a lazy lover. I have a draw full of fun and games of my own so it was not as though I wasn’t open to the idea.Maybe some discussion and a bit of getting to know each othe first may have been better.

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