I no longer have the hots for my boyfriend. Help!

I no longer have the hots for my boyfriend. Help!

no longer have the hots.jpg

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. I love him; he means the world to me. But lately it feels like we’re just friends. I don’t feel like we’re a couple. On the other hand I have my best friend Dylan who’s so great. I tell him everything. He’s never been great with the girls, but he has something about him that’s making me fall for him.

The past three days I’ve cried myself to sleep. My boyfriend picked me up on Valentine’s Day and brought me flowers, chocolate, and this morning I was sure I was gonna break up with him but after I saw his V Day stuff for me I chickened out. He asked me so many times if something was wrong. I said no. But really when I was with him, all I was thinking about was Dylan. I don’t know what to do. Please help me. Casey

I dated a great guy when I was in my teens. For months, I fancied him like mad and then one day, my brain and body just did an about face; I still liked him as a person, but physically it felt all wrong, from the smell of his aftershave, to the way he pressed his nose into my neck when we were on the couch and he wanted to make out. It was baffling for me and hurtful for him and it didn’t end well.

I’d lost that lovin’ feeling somewhere along the way, and that was that. And I suspect you have as well, Casey, but probably because you’ve been hanging out with Dylan too much and you’re all messed up in a grass-is-greener kinda way (when sometimes it isn’t, but you can’t be told that, you have to learn it for yourself). It’s a shame because your boyfriend sounds like a sweetheart and of course you do love him in a platonic kind of way. However, after a year together, he deserves more than that, don’t you think?

You know what to do, my sweet. It’ll just really suck doing it.

Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. mike 6 years ago

    So you pretty mich got involved with another dude while with someone? You shouldve broke it off way before you got feelings for another guy. I seen people kill people for less over that. Just be careful because how would you feel if a guy did this to you. You need to talk to the one your with. Not get involved with someone else then break up. Believe me, my fiancee did this to me and left me. Come to find out this guy was a pedophile and trying to mess with my 2 yr old daughter!! We got back together after this guy dropped her on her ass but when i found out he was a sick fucker i was disgusted she decided to leave me for a sex offender. Her excuse, ” he listened to me and understood me”. Yeah, well any guy will act like they care until they get in your pants. Then eventually they don’t trust you because they seen what your capable of. Talking with other men about stuff you shouldn’t and leaving for a different guy. Hope you learn from your mistakes.

  2. Author

    Great advice guys X

  3. Jen 7 years ago

    I just ended a 4-year relationship because we were just drifting along but unlike you I wasn’t feeling the love from him. When I was honest with myself I wasn’t feeling the love for him either. It’s hard to take that step of ending it, but kinder to you both in the long run.

  4. Lola 7 years ago

    The only way to find out what’s really going on, Casey, is to do ‘what you have to do’ and face the music. I believe that what we all fear is exactly that, facing the music. That may mean losing someone we TRULY love, simply because we’re messed up and believe the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, or to find out that we need our freedom, or that we’ll expect someone who’s not that much into us to be into us. It ain’t going to be easy, Casey, but it’ll probably be worthwhile. All the best.

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