I read a question you answered some weeks ago and feel like I’m in a similar predicament – wanting to leave a long-term relationship. I’ve been married for four years and my husband isn’t a bad guy. He met me when I was in a bad place and got me through it. I married him but he has never been the great love of my life. I have even had two affairs I’m not proud of, more of a way to look for an escape than for the sex. I’m 27 and feel trapped all the time. No kids yet. What’s your advice? Anon
Feeling trapped, having a couple of affairs, wanting to escape…all hallmarks of someone who is deeply unhappy in their relationship. Sounds like you are delaying the inevitable and trying to spare your husbands’ feelings. We’re not surprised you feel this way – even from this short email, he sounds like a good bloke. But that doesn’t mean you should be married to him.
If he finds out about your infidelities, it’s going to be so much worse than if you simply sit down and have the tough conversation. He’s an amazing person, but it’s over. You are not in love with him. You want a separation or a divorce.
The good news is, even though it will hurt like hell now and for the foreseeable future, you are only 27 and there are no kids to muddy the waters. Four years is a long time to be with a person, but it’s not a lifetime. This can be a clean break, and you can get on with finding the great love of your life. Because that’s the guy you should be with – not the sweetheart who got you out of a sticky spot in your life. I wish you luck.
Love, reality chick