Let me cut to the chase: I’m a 30-year-old virgin. I admit I allowed work commitments to be my focus for too long, and I’ve had to deal with family problems that took up a lot of time. For this, I paid a hefty price personally: it’s been almost five years since I dated anyone.
I feel I’m now ready to get ‘back in the game’ – and lose my V card (abstaining was a personal choice and I have no hang-ups about sex). However, I’m having trouble on the dating front. I meet a lot of people but can’t seem to get beyond the second date. I’ve tried online dating but have yet to make a connection that lasts. I have never been a serial dater and the longest I have ever dated anyone is about 18 months. I’ve been putting myself out there for a year or so but still, after the second or third date, the guy disappears.
I know I’m smart and attractive. I love to go out and have a sizeable social circle so I know it’s not because of any social awkwardness. At first I was relaxed about it all but recently I’ve been wondering if my lack of recent dating experience or my virginity status are more evident than I thought? Or am I being naive considering the ‘pickings’ available for a 30-year-old? Do I need to be more discerning about who I date? I don’t know what to do from here. Lara
I don’t think it’s anything you’re doing / not doing, but dating has probably changed a bit in recent years. These days, texting replaces calling and you’re more likely to be asked if you’re on hook-up app Tindr than RSVP. Our demand for lots of choice and instant gratification has oozed into the dating scene in a way that isn’t always conducive to finding love. That said, there ARE motivated people out there looking for an exclusive relationship so you may need to be a bit more of a detective to find them.
Get used to using your intuition and reading between the lines on dating profiles. Guys seeking someone to ‘have fun with’ or who describe themselves as always ‘being up for a good time / a big night out’ are probably after something casual. Ditto for dudes who pack their profile with photos of themselves with multiple girls or at clubs. Blokes who mention their ex more than once or have stringent ‘criteria’ lists are also to be avoided (would any woman fit the fantasy?). Instead, seek out men looking for something ‘serious’ or ‘meaningful’ and seem open to meeting new people without any major hang-ups. Also, I’m sure you’re doing this but seek out other ways to meet people. MeetUp.com are calling for people to join their Tinder No More meet-up group. It might not be in your area, but MeetUp can be a great way to make new friends and connections in the real world, which may lead to other stuff.
And, don’t stress too much about your V card. Apart from the fact that it’s none of anyone’s business until you’re ready to reveal that info, a poll I did a few weeks ago with my male readers served up some interesting stats. I asked how much sexual experience a guy would prefer his potential girlfriend to have. A whopping 52 percent said they didn’t care and her past was her business. A sizeable 27 percent agreed they’d rather date a woman who was a virgin and the rest were somewhere in between. So it’s not a hindrance by any means, and when the right guy comes along, he will honestly just love you as a package deal. That’s what you want to hold out for.
Love, reality chick