I need some advice. I’m expecting our second child, and I’ve been staying in the house mostly because I’m in my first trimester and I’ve been really nauseated (more than I ever was with my first). I’ll be honest, I stopped doing much around the house just because being up just makes me feel like I’m going to pass out. My partner’s not happy about this. He’s upset about how the house looks, which isn’t new (it feels like I can’t ever please him), but at the moment I feel like I have a good reason as to why I’m not up to cleaning/tidying.
One night this week he told me that I need to make the bed when I get up because he doesn’t like coming home to an unmade bed. I tried, and I managed to make it every day except yesterday. So this morning he woke me up around 5am and sent me to the couch because he was going to make the bed himself. That really upset me and I can’t figure out if it’s my hormones or if he’s just being over the top. Yesterday I also didn’t cook, and he told me that he was going to do what he pleased from now on and stop depending on me to do stuff for him since I don’t care about anything. What should I do? Janela
Let me get this straight: your partner is fully aware that you’re unable to function right now due to morning sickness and exhaustion and feeling like you’re going to pass out, and he made you get up at 5am so he could make the fucking bed while also making a POINT about what a crap housewife you’re being? Sweet Jesus.
Is this a new thing, his nastiness? Or has he always been like that? I suspect always, because you do mention how you can’t ever please him. Sure, he may be stressed about the second baby, and possibly the added financial pressure. But taking it out on you when you’re vulnerable is beyond the pale. You want a partner who gets that you’re not up to much and cooks, dammit, without complaint (or orders takeaway every night if that’s what needs to happen). You want a guy who won’t make stupid points about unmade beds when he knows that if you didn’t have another child to care for, you probably wouldn’t be getting out of bed at all for 12 weeks.
What should you do? Frankly I think you should take your kid and go stay with your parents, a trusted sibling or a good friend who tells you to put your feet up and makes you endless cups of tea. That’s what you need right now. Let him sit at home and fester about unmade beds and mess and cheese on toast for dinner. Maybe he’ll think about his behaviour towards you. And maybe he won’t. And if he doesn’t, I hope you do. Because it’s not your hormones you need to figure out, Janela – it’s whether you want to stay with / raise kids with someone who doesn’t seem to have a kind bone in his body.
Love, reality chick